Unhinged Cats, Dead Anchovies, and Other Career Milestones of an Unconventional LSI

A quick heads-up: This text holds zero informational value. Its sole purpose (in contrast to this example) is to show how wildly different people of the same personality type can seem on the surface, proving that "vibe-typing" is a fast track to mistyping. For the record, the author’s sociotype was officially determined during a proper Socionics interview.

WARNING: Contains mild profanity, sarcasm, general absurdity, cats, and terribly unfunny humor.

To wrap up this "by-request" shitshow, I wanted to write a bit about my "rock bottom"—my absolute nadir... of life (lol, jk, nice try, hilarious, ehehe not). Lately, my life has been one giant, fucking shitshow, and honestly, I'm probably not alone in this. But hey, hang in there, wish you all the best, good vibes, and great health! I’ve always somehow managed to survive an absolute, overwhelming avalanche of bad luck.

But actually, let's talk about the positive stuff rather than the negative (though it might turn out to be a hellish "two-in-one" hybrid). You know, balancing on the edge of complete garbage and sheer, vacuum-sealed euphoria is an unforgettable, thrilling ride called "WELL, DUDE, THAT’S LIFE." It keeps you energized, so to speak—one minute you've got a fire lit under your ass, and the next, you don't. This constant back-and-forth, combined with my general clinical idiocy, keeps me on my toes and keeps my gorgeous ass tight. Everyone loves my ass. It’s great that I have it, but honestly, it brings zero profit (ho-ho-ho, cracked another joke, so funny, oh my god, she's absolutely slaying).

Oh, and by the way, season all of this with a massive dose of pure, unadulterated apathy toward absolutely everything. Seriously, people see me as a walking void of indifference. The only things that actually bring a soft smile to my face are cats (plus cold weapons, sushi, pizza, gaming, and fistfights...). But that's rare and temporary. I'm mostly obsessed with weird cats—you know, the ones with a little spark of madness in them. You look at this little crackhead and it warms your soul; you realize there’s a tinier creature out there who is just as unhinged as you are. It’s fun, I guess.

Anyway, now that the "anon crowd" is all caught up, let's keep moving. I’ve noticed that most people wake up in the morning looking like beaten-up anchovies—like a dead fish slammed onto a table. But me, just to spite everyone, I jump out of bed completely energized. No matter the weather, I'm like: "OH, HOW WONDERFUL! ANOTHER DAY OF A MILLION PROBLEMS, SO MUCH FUN!" Seriously, though: rain, storms, or my life falling apart—it doesn't matter. I always wake up in a genuinely good mood and full of energy, even if the night before my heart was acting up and my low blood pressure was absolutely screwing me over. Ugh, I really need to quit smoking; my cardiovascular system is going to hate me. My nervous system is young, yet it’s been beaten up like a nerd in a boxing ring. "Life screws everyone, shit happens. One day everything is amazing, the next—everything is ruined." Not a direct quote, but we've got enough playful cursing here anyway (my deepest apologies to anyone whose eyes and ears are bleeding from my "French").

Next on the agenda: self-flagellation regarding my job. The market is trash right now, so I’m living off what I make from streams (and I appreciate what I have—without streaming, things would be incredibly depressing). My progress and the overall situation at this stage of my journey as a commentator/streamer is small, slow, but cozy and sweet. Financially, yeah, it's a bit of a mess, but thanks to the streams, I have food to eat and can occasionally go out. Still, it's high time I kicked my own ass for lagging so hard on finding a proper job. Realistically, I can do almost any job, but here I am, sitting and waiting for... something. Maybe my mindset is off. Or maybe I’m just mentally exhausted and waiting for my body to give me the "LFG, WE START NOW!!!" signal. Basically, this minor issue is going to snowball into a giant bucket of... well, you know. Long story short, don't follow my lead here. Creative people (unless they have a stable gig) make pennies, climb the ladder forever, and only get their big break, fame, fortune, and sweet partnership contracts if some "higher-up" gets a sudden, random wild hair up their ass. But as a commentator, I’m damn good... my diction is flawless, and my gaming skills are sharp.

Let me share a quick, hilarious story about my job search, and then we'll close this chapter. I went to an interview at a very "serious" firm. Everyone was dressed to the nines, acting all grand and pretentious. So, we're talking, they love me, I check all their boxes (as a bonus, their in-house psychologist told me I'm "too tech-brained," lol). I’m thinking, Awesome! Finally, a job! I get home, receive a text from my "future manager," and the dude literally made five typos in a three-letter word. I'm like... ALRIGHTY THEN. GOT IT. BYEEE! )))00

As for my free time, of which I have plenty, I usually read scientific literature, study standard software, mess around with web development, work on improving my stream content and delivery, play games, eat, lose weight for some reason, and try to quit smoking... basically, boring stuff, not even worth talking about. While I have the chance, I want to give a quick shoutout to Destiny. Listen here, you bitch, you better align those stars in my favor real quick, or I will hunt you down. I will find you, even if I have to dig you up from under the ground.

Thanks to everyone who read to the end and didn't bail after the first paragraph. Have a great weekend!

Source: S. Ionkin