Typing Interview Full Transcript (Noah Nono)

Do you have friends? What do you do with them? What do you value or feel close to in them?

So, let's start with the first question from the new list sent by Sergey. The 1st one is: "So, do you have friends? What do you do with them? What do you value or feel close to in them?"

To begin with, in general, I basically dislike this question. You see, Sergey wrote somewhere in his notes: "Which questions are you interested in answering, which ones are not interesting, which ones you like, and which ones you don't." Questions like this, about friends, are not interesting to me, and I don't like answering them. Let me explain why.

It's because I actually consider this to be a rather personal question. If I were to talk about it specifically and dive into who my friends are, what their names are, what kind of people they are, to me that feels partly like gossip that I’m not ready to share left and right.

On the other hand, if I don't dive into the question and just answer generally, it ends up being: "Do you have friends?" — "Well, yes, I have friends." In principle, probably almost everyone has friends in one way or another. "What do you do with them?" — "Well, hang out and talk, of course." Obviously. So it would turn into some sort of generic answer about nothing.

But if I dive into the question just a little bit to make it more personalized and revealing about me, I would definitely say that I don't have many friends. That's because I categorize people (yes, here comes a classification) into, let's say, acquaintances, casual friends, friends, and close friends. Something like that.

And in my opinion, you can't have a lot of friends; it's basically impossible for the simple reason that you cannot give every person the same amount of time and attention. For me, friendship is something... it's understood as something where people, let's say, have a very deep and mutual interest in each other, and they are ready to accept each other, to help each other; they share some common interests and common activities.

When a person says they have "just so many friends," to me, it's more about the person not having deep relationships with people, and these relationships are rather superficial because, again, it is impossible to give every single person just as much time. That is exactly why I tend to call people something else, not friends... Yes, I have many casual friends, yes, let's say I have many acquaintances, but they do not fall into the "friends" category. There aren't many friends, per se.

What do you do with them? Again, as a rule, if we are talking about casual friends and acquaintances, it’s about going somewhere together: taking a walk, going to a cafe, to the movies, chatting about something not very significant.

If we are talking about close friends, these are the kind of people with whom it's comfortable to just be silent, even. These are people with whom you can actually do anything at all. And you don't necessarily have to sit, talk, and interact with this person 24/7. That is, these are people with whom you can just be yourself, you don't feel strained spending an unlimited amount of time with them, and therefore you can do anything: from those same walks to, I don't know, some shared activities, joint events, or joint projects.

What do you feel close to in them? It seems to me that what I feel close to in the people I can call friends is their worldview. It's impossible to click with a person and remain friends if you have completely different views on the world, or if you are on different intellectual, cultural, and social levels.

Therefore, inherently, my friends are probably somewhat similar to me in this regard. We... we don't just have some common interests, but we also share a common background. That is, we probably grew up in a certain... a certain time period or era.

I mean, basically, if we are talking about the people I consider friends and close friends, they are all more or less around my age anyway. Give or take—maybe plus or minus 5–7 years one way, and again, plus or minus the other way. Still, it's a certain... some sort of single era, a decade, I don't know. Because of this, there can be shared topics, shared jokes. The person understands you because they grew up in roughly the same cultural environment as you did. I'm not saying you can't be friends with people who are significantly older or significantly younger, but the question of whether they would become close friends specifically to me remains open. That's pretty much it.

What do I like in people, and what causes rejection?

Alright, let's wrap up this question and move on to the next one. What do I like in people, and what causes rejection? I guess, let's put it this way: generally speaking, I don't really like people that much, so a lot of things about them cause rejection for me. It's probably easier to list what causes acceptance.

I like it when a person is sincere, but this isn't about being a blunt truth-teller or having that unpleasant, sort of... directness which, essentially, borders on rudeness, where a person just says whatever pops into their head. This... a person should... like, manifestations of this kind should be appropriate to the situation. A person needs to understand where, when, and what can be said, and what shouldn't be said, based on the current situation.

And sincerity is about a certain openness, I guess—about a person not being ashamed to be themselves and not being self-conscious about, you know, their personal characteristics, quirks, or interests. When a person is open, you can feel it, and naturally, it's easier to build communication with open people, it's more pleasant to talk to them, and such people, one way or another, subconsciously evoke a certain liking and acceptance.

When a person is tightly closed off and hard to reach—if there's no specific goal to establish contact with them—they will just automatically, like, fade out of my... field of vision, let's say. Because the fact that I'd have to try and connect with them out of sheer principle, well, it's just unpleasant from the get-go.

I don't like arrogance. For me, that's also a certain kind of closed-mindedness, when a person is up there, like, on their own Mt. Olympus, and your decisions... whether deservedly or not is another question. But overall, like, arrogance in people and a certain dismissive attitude toward others based on their... whatever gradation, social status, or something else—it's unpleasant. So, people like that cause rejection in me.

That is, even if deep down you look down on other people because, I don't know, you're a top manager at Gazprom and that person is a janitor, well, I don't know... at least don't show it, there's no need to display it because it's ugly, it's ill-mannered, it's unethical, it's small-minded. It kind of characterizes you as a person with insecurities, showing that you're so hard-pressed somewhere deep down that you even pay attention to this. Therefore, people like that also... don't evoke... much liking from me.

On the other hand, there are people who are generous, people who are open, people who are sincere, people who are spontaneous. That is... this story is about being less conservative in one's views. This doesn't mean complete madness in actions, but rather the ability, perhaps, to allow for certain nuances in one's schedule or behavior, when a person easily agrees to some minor, let's say, adventures that add charm and color to this current grey life and paint it with brighter colors. That's... that's great.

I probably like a certain, again, courage in people. The courage to take on responsibility for one's life and one's actions. The courage to admit a mistake if one was made—that's also great.

I like a certain kind of intelligence in people. I'm not talking about intellectual snobbery right now, but when a person thinks fast, catches on fast. You talk to them and... you understand each other perfectly. You don't need to chew things over and explain them for a long time. I really like that too, when you match with a person in a certain... in a certain rhythm of thinking and life, somehow. Alright, that was about what causes rejection, put that here.

About what I like. I like a sense of humor. I love it when people know how to crack a joke in a situation, to make fun of themselves in a kind way, rather than some kind of dirty humor or vulgar stuff. So that's the kind of story that applies to me. And also, overly sophisticated British humor doesn't... doesn't really appeal to me either. Rather, it's something like—a certain real-life level of aphorisms, sarcasm, and irony, but without leaning into straight-up obvious negativity. When people are highly negative, I don't like that either, because there's plenty of negativity in life as it is, and I want to surround myself with people and things that are currently more neutrally or positively inclined. But again, not to the point of fanatical optimism... positivism, where everyone is, like, overly ecstatic when things are actually just okay. I mean, you need to stay a bit grounded in that regard.

I don't like stupidity and hypocrisy in people. I think, in principle, nobody likes that. I like... I don't like arrogance/entitlement. People who think everyone owes them something, that just because they showed up and announced themselves, it means good fortune has arrived for everyone else, and people should treat them exceptionally. And... that is, I don't like when people demand special treatment without earning it. I prefer a person who is moderately modest. Again, moderately, because I also don't really like overly modest and deliberately sacrificial people.

Because that's a kind of weak position where a person is actually trying to find a certain benefit for themselves by playing a weak victim, thereby protecting themselves from possible consequences or the actions of other people and events. Like, they're saying: "I'll be in my safe space, don't touch me, I'm already... well, come on... no need, I'm already weak and miserable." This is also a position of self-interest, and it doesn't appeal to me; it's an ugly position.

Accordingly, to sum it up, I generally like harmonious people. That is, people who combine both strengths and weaknesses and aren't afra... aren't afraid of either. I probably don't like an excessive manifestation of basically any quality. Because, well, as the saying goes—I'll rephrase it a bit: "A drop is a medicine, a cup is a poison." The same goes for any human characteristic.

If it's humor, again, it's great if it's in moderation. If it's excessive, a person starts acting either like a clown or a fool. That's not a good thing. And this applies to everything else. A person can be generous and, I don't know, have the resources to help others or do charity, but giving away the shirt off their back—that's just foolishness, not generosity.

Do you like your job or studies? Why do you work or study there specifically?

Alright, "Do you like your job or studies? Why do you work or study there specifically?" I'm no longer studying; I work, and I've been working for quite a while. Do I like my job at the moment? I can say yes. Previously, I didn't have a clear-cut attitude toward it. That is, there were periods when I... liked it, periods when I didn't, periods when, to use a fashionable word, professional burnout loomed from the sidelines, and I wanted to change my line of work.

For a long time, I thought about what else I could do, for instance, where I could find myself. Yes, there are some fields that I'm also interested in. But at the current stage, I've realized that my actual profession is what I plan to continue doing for now to make a living, and let everything else remain within the realm of interests and hobbies for the time being. Something like that.

I work as a lawyer, and overall, yes, I like my job now. It is, of course, a responsible job, a stressful job in a way, and a very intellectual job that requires attentiveness and an analytical approach. It actually demands a lot from you, and it's quite stressful. But right now, I've got a job at a place where, in principle, the field of activity... As a lawyer—let me explain—you can work as anything from a judge to a defense attorney, from an investigator to a prosecutor, from an in-house lawyer to a consultant. There is a fairly wide spectrum, and, accordingly, in the legal field, you can choose a place depending on your personal traits.

For instance, I didn't really enjoy going to court. At least, not to courts of general jurisdiction, because so much there is built on... not on the law, but on the human factor. This is because the parties involved in the process usually get very emotional. If we are talking about arbitration courts (commercial courts), where the entities are legal structures or individual entrepreneurs, then, as a rule, professional lawyers come to represent them. Nobody takes the process too personally because everything is based on documentary evidence, for example, so there is no outlet for those emotions. There are no consumers there, unlike in courts of general jurisdiction, who come and pour all their negativity and outrage over the situation onto you as the company’s representative (if you are representing the other side, say, the defendant). And they don’t understand that you actually have very little to do with it personally—you’re just doing your job.

So, of course, you have to negotiate with them, listen to them, get involved somehow, and find an individual approach to each person—it’s quite emotionally draining. And all in all, I can't say I liked it much, because, again... judges are all different too, everyone has different personalities, attitudes, and moods, because we are all human. Consequently, when a case is being heard in a court of general jurisdiction—whether it's related to inheritance law, a consumer dispute, or employment relations—the judges, being human, are also susceptible to emotional influence. Even though a judge is supposed to be impartial and independent, they are still people, not robots, and they can experience certain emotions and give in to them.

And things don't always go smoothly, emotionally speaking. Even if the decision is ultimately made in favor of the organization you represent, you might still get yelled at, insulted, or have negativity poured all over you, and you'll be left sitting there feeling miserable for a long time. I guess I'm just too sensitive or impressionable in that regard—not even in terms of reacting to other people's emotions, but rather to the situation itself. I mean the stressfulness of a situation where you need to stay detached, keep a clear mind and a cool head, and not give in to any of those provocations. You have to keep your own emotions from overwhelming you and remember that it's just a job.

When you work strictly with corporations and legal entities, even if the disputes involve millions or billions, it is 100,000 times less stressful than that kind of interaction. Especially when you realize that the person—say, the consumer—is actually right, and your organization is wrong, but your duty is to defend your employer, even if on a purely human level you understand that you are in the wrong. It creates a bit of a cognitive dissonance, and I don't find it very pleasant.

When you sit down with another legal entity, you don't look at it that way. Even if you know you are wrong but need to prove you are right, you just prove it, because on the other side is an impersonal entity—a corporation—and you don't take it as deeply to heart as you would the struggles of an actual individual. At my current job, everything involves legal entities. There are no consumers, no family law or inheritance disputes, etc., so right now, I'm pretty much satisfied with everything. Of course, there's always room for growth, but at the moment, I think everything is good.

Why do I work in this specific field? Because I graduated from law school and started working in my field of study. My career just naturally progressed in a way that I developed within civil law, and that’s where I work now.

Ha, do you have any goals or life aims? What are you doing to achieve them?

The next least favorite question, ha: "Do you have any goals or life aims? What are you doing to achieve them?" I don't like this question because it feels... a bit limiting, in a way. It's like, if you declare that you have a goal, you're suddenly expected to live up to it, and it feels like you can't step back from it. Meaning, if you say, "This is my goal," then you have to move towards it. If you voice it to someone, and then people ask you later, "So, how is that going?" Personally, I feel like it’s not very pleasant to have to say later, "You know, my goal has changed." That's why I prefer not to share them—just to avoid locking myself into unnecessary obligations.

Back when I was in school, I had more of a notion... you could say it was an actual goal, a specific life plan: like, you're at school now, you graduate, you go to university (so that part is clear), then you get a job, and so on. Since graduating from university, I haven’t really had that kind of high-level goal-setting or life plan. Right now, I don't have any global life goals either; it’s more about short-term, tactical goals. For instance, I had a goal to change jobs—so I focused on that, and I've pretty much achieved it, I switched jobs. Right now, everything suits me, everything is fine. So, I don't really have another clear goal lined up just yet.

As for global life goals... I don't know. I wouldn’t say that I’m just completely drifting with the flow, but I’m guided more by my current interests. If I’m interested in doing something right now—okay, I feel it, I do it, I spend my time and energy on it. My goal then is to study the matter, dive into it, and understand whether I actually need it or not. I guess this mostly applies to hobbies, but I can't say... No, I don’t have that thing where I absolutely must build a house, plant a tree, raise a son—nothing like that. Or, I don’t know, make a million or a billion, become someone famous, write a book—no global goals of that sort.

How do you spend your free time? Do you have any hobbies?

Generally speaking, I don't have much free time, and I spend it depending on my mood and how I feel physically. So, if I have the energy and feel up to doing something, then I work on my hobbies. These include... Well, what used to do... I wrote poetry. I’ve been writing poems for a very long time, since I was about eleven—we won't dive too deep into that, it's a pretty personal topic. Even though I post them publicly, I don’t stress about it, I don’t advertise them; it’s the kind of information that... it's not like it's completely top secret, but close to it. It’s something... intimate and private, because for me, it has always partly been a journal to express my own emotions, my personal experiences, feelings, and the things happening inside me.

Out of the hobbies that I present more... publicly, and talk about if, say, colleagues or acquaintances ask me—that would be various crafts and handmade stuff. I’ve done a lot of things: I made jewelry, did glass and ceramic painting, what else... Right now, I sew toys and knit—that’s one of my latest hobbies, so to speak. I haven’t done everything... let's see... I made candles, but clay didn’t really work out. Well, I tried sculpting with polymer clay and regular clay, but sculpting turned out to be totally not my thing.

Oh, and I grow cacti, though right now that has taken a bit of a backseat after I got two cats. They require quite a lot of attention—both pure human attention and care, meaning you have to clean up after them, feed them. I get some help with this, but still, you need to brush them, clip their claws, keep an eye on their health—this also takes time. So nowadays, I don't breed them, I just take care of the ones... the ones that are left, the ones I have. Before this, I had a much larger collection than I do now—over a hundred specimens. I was really into it, buying new varieties and species.

But for the most part, my hobby is various handmade crafts; I just like making things with my hands. Sometimes I draw when I’m in the mood. I also... tried taking photos, doing photography, but that didn't really turn out to be my thing either. It’s more like I take photos just for myself, snap something on my phone. Back when Instagram wasn't banned in Russia yet, I was active there because I would post various photos of my crafts, as well as nature, the weather, food—anything that seemed interesting, beautiful, or aesthetic.

So yeah, basically, I have two main directions: the literary one, which is poetry and prose, and the tangible, material one, which is different kinds of handmade items. I mean, I prefer making things that I can actually use either in interior design or for myself. So it’s either jewelry or some kind of interior toys. Toys—and... or sewing toys—these aren’t toys for kids, they are toys for interior decoration. They are art dolls and interior toys, that sort of thing. So... those are some of my little hobbies.

Reading, for example, I don't consider a hobby because I feel like every normal person reads something one way or another. I love reading, I read a lot when I can, but I can't call it a hobby. Just like walking—that’s not a hobby for me. I love going for walks on foot too, but I don't consider it an interest or a hobby—that’s something else.

If you had the chance to never work again, what would you do?

Well, probably the same things I’m doing right now—meaning my hobbies and passions.

But whereas I used to think that never working would be amazing, I don’t think so anymore. In reality, it’s impossible to do absolutely nothing. Even if you are pursuing some hobbies, you need to elevate them to a somewhat professional level. Otherwise, you’ll just sink into a stagnant swamp. Even if you do it just for yourself as a passion project, you still won’t grow or learn anything new.

That’s why you need to do something anyway—not necessarily for the money or the comfort, but for the sake of social engagement. You still need to have some kind of pursuit. Maybe just without calling it "work."

Speaking for myself, maybe it could be some courses or teaching. Again, in terms of something like handmade crafts—holding workshops, that kind of thing, I don't know. Right now, I can’t say that... actually, the very phrase "if you had the chance to never work again" scares me a little. It sounds a bit ominous, because it feels like you're being written out of life. There was a period when I didn't work for six months, and I wouldn't say it was a super great time in my life.

What kind of behavior is typical for you in a conflict situation?

It actually depends on the conflict itself. If it’s a conflict that happens on neutral territory—like public transport or a queue—my behavior is quite aggressive; I will stand up for my rights. If someone yells at me, I can yell back, tell them where to go, or give them a piece of my mind.

If we are talking about a conflict at work, I’m not a fan of resolving things aggressively. A lot depends on who you are talking to. Is this person on the same corporate level as you, or are they higher up the ladder? Accordingly, if you are talking to a top manager, any aggressive or confrontational behavior is completely unacceptable, primarily because it carries consequences. You need to understand who you are talking to, how to talk to them, and in what situation. This doesn't mean you have to grovel or bend over backward; it just means you need to keep yourself within proper boundaries. While you can swear at someone on the street, doing the same thing at work is unacceptable, and the conflict must be resolved in a more business-like, acceptable manner.

But overall, speaking generally about conflict situations, I’m probably a rather confrontational person. It can be hard for me to stay silent or ignore it when people try to trigger me or get under my skin. Ultimately, it's my right, and I won't stay quiet. So on a conflict scale, my score is definitely above average. While some people freeze up in a conflict and don’t know what to say, I usually never mince words and can act quite tough.

Do you think you are an exceptional person or more average? Why do you think so?

Well, that’s a trick question, because I think everyone views themselves as special in their own way, unless they are severely depressed and suffer from low self-esteem. But on the whole, I don’t think I’m remarkably special, nor am I just "average"—I’m just a person. I actually don’t like putting myself on a pedestal and acting like I'm a "big deal," but I also don't like thinking of myself as a total nobody, just another cog in the machine.

Everyone is unique in their own way; everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. It's just that some people have found their place, while others are still looking for it. Depending on this, a person might seem special to others when they have found themselves and brought out the best traits of their character, making them look a bit more extraordinary than someone who hasn't gotten there yet. Of course, there are people who are not highly developed intellectually or emotionally. But speaking generally, I don't see myself as any different and don't really dwell on it.

Back in my teenage years or youth, it did feel like my life had to be something amazing and extraordinary. But that was partly just youthful maximalism, which fades and smooths out with age. You realize that life is mostly made up of little things, rather than constant "wow" moments. Did I ever want to be a star? No, not really. I don't strive for fame, and it has never been that important or interesting to me.

I think I’ve always wanted to be valued within a narrow circle of like-minded people—an elite club of mutual interests, so to speak—rather than being a household name known across the country or the world. Fame brings a huge number of obligations and a lot of responsibility; it just gets in the way of living. You have to constantly think about how you look, what you say, and how you act just to avoid becoming prey for the tabloids.

Granted, I realize that the people who run the show in a less-than-flattering way—the ones who start scandals, get drunk, or behave badly, and then those photos and videos leak—aren't bothered by it at all. They just have a different nervous system. But I don't find that acceptable for myself, which is why I've never sought fame, and I definitely wouldn't want that kind of "uniqueness."

Would you like to change something in your life? What exactly and why?

Well, I suppose the only thing is that, if possible, I’d like to upgrade my living space. Ideally, to have my own house in some village that isn't too far from civilization. Yeah, like those gated communities or villages, you know... The kind of place where people live at a certain level. I wouldn't want to be neighbors with, like, 13 alcoholics, obviously. I mean, it should be a well-to-do area somewhere out in nature, but not too far from civilization. So that this distance... well, so that you could just hop in the car at any moment to do some errands—like taking your pets to the vet, or... just going somewhere yourself. That would be great, that would be... it definitely wouldn't hurt to have that in life. Ideally, it would be somewhere by the sea, and in a warm climate, so to speak. Well, in principle, by the sea in a cold climate would also be fine, just not in a completely freezing climate zone where it’s impossible to live.

When do you feel bored or lose interest? Under what circumstances?

Well, I guess, strangely enough, when I am surrounded by... or rather, not even surrounded, but when I have to talk to this one highly talkative, intensely extroverted person who tells me a bunch of stuff I don't care about—about their life and some random acquaintances of theirs. And they do it in a completely unexciting way. I mean, if a person at least does it with some flair, colorfully—that’s something you can... well, like a one-man theater, that's somewhat acceptable. But when it's just super tedious, suffocating, long, and boring—that’s when I get incredibly bored, I just can't stand it, it completely drains me.

Or when some theoretical material is overly tedious, like when someone is explaining something... I don't know, giving a lecture, and it’s all delivered in a monotone voice, very tedious, very uninteresting—that's when it gets really boring. I don't get bored when I'm by myself. Spending time alone is completely fine, I won't be bored. Especially if I have things to do, my own projects—that's great, that's totally okay.

I do get bored, for example, during those rare moments at work when there's nothing to do. It’s not... Well, that used to happen at some of my previous jobs, there were rare moments when there were no urgent tasks. And you can't leave, but you can't do your own thing either—you can't listen to music, you can't write anything, or you can't even just zone out on the internet—it gets so boring in those moments, just absolutely nauseating.

Try to describe your understanding of happiness. What do you need to feel happy?

This is a very abstract, theoretical question because a person can't usually... Happiness is actually made of fleeting moments, if you look at happiness as a result. If you look at it as a process, then in that case, it's basically about a very high level of mindfulness—when a person is so spiritually evolved that they perceive every single process, even if it's, I don't know, washing the dishes (which no one likes), as happiness, because they are alive right now, breathing, and everything is just wonderful.

I don't mean either of those, really. For me, happiness is probably those moments when I feel a rare inner harmony and peace. When I don't feel any anxiety, any worries about the past, the future, or certain events, or anything like that. When I feel good right here, in the moment. I'm looking at some beautiful scene—say, a sunset—and, for instance, a loved one is right next to me, and we're holding hands. And I know that tomorrow nothing stressful is waiting for me, that tomorrow will be wonderful too, a beautiful day filled with interesting activities and events. And so we are watching this sunset, drinking wine, and... and that’s it, that's happiness right there, when there is absolute harmony.

And the thoughts in your head don't trouble you; it's as if... your mind is cleared, wiped clean. That kind of state... well, some people achieve it through meditation. I haven't really gotten the hang of it myself. And... what happiness is to me overall is when you freeze in the mindfulness of the moment, and no thoughts trouble you, and you experience this absolute harmony, a union with the world... with your loved one and with yourself. These are very rare, short-lived moments, which makes them especially valuable and memorable. I sort of collect them in my head. Or they can happen when you're alone with nature. Again, I store these moments of happiness in my memory like precious little stones.

When do you feel comfortable? What do you need to feel comfortable?

I don't know, I feel like I rarely feel comfortable because... to feel comfortable, you need... I like to bring up physiological needs. You need nothing around you to irritate you so you can be comfortable: neither hot, nor cold, nor stuffy, no one making noise, pleasant lighting, no harsh smells, no one nagging you with some tedious conversation you don't care about, and you need to have an interesting activity or be completely immersed in it. That's when it's comfortable. Does this happen often in life? Sadly, no. Especially when you live in an apartment building, for example, and you have neighbors, or you work in an office and, naturally, you have coworkers.

When does anxiety appear in your life? What makes you worry?

Or rather, when does it not appear... For me, anxiety is pretty much always present because I’m the kind of person who is used to controlling everything. Consequently, I understand—as everyone does—that it’s impossible to control everything in life. That’s why there are constant stressors, and one way or another, you’re always anxious about something: like, "what if it goes this way or that way?", "what will happen later?", "how do I prepare for this?"—and I don't know how to prepare. Yes, I’ve somehow managed to learn not to... not to stress or worry about the weather, but as for everything else... I worry constantly. What about these... you know, how things are going with a work project, how you’ll look tomorrow, if everything will be okay, how you’ll feel, how your loved ones will feel, is everything alright, what if something happens. But honestly, it’s a psychological thing, and I’m working on it; it’s a bit about psychology.

Do I worry, for example, about upcoming events? It depends... on the event. If it’s going out and meeting up with, I don't know, a new group of people—well, that's a medium level of anxiety. If it’s a matter that is connected to, you know... something responsible... Like, if people are, I don't know, buying an apartment or something like that, tied to major life events—of course, you're going to be incredibly anxious the night before.

When do you feel safe? What do you need to do to relax?

Well, I feel safer when it’s a completely comfortable territory that is under my control—meaning, my home. What do you need to do to relax? Oh, well, I guess you need to disconnect your mind from all work matters, so that no one dumps any problems on you, including in the family—like parents telling you some random nonsense that you then end up thinking and worrying about, trying to figure out how to solve it, even if it’s completely outside your competence or scope of responsibility. When you just shut off from all of that, when you switch gears—that's when you can somehow relax.

You also relax quite well when you're on vacation because... it’s a change of impressions, a change of scenery. It really changes the picture in your head, and that promotes relaxation. It’s like you take off the responsibility for your day-to-day life, and you feel more... more free, almost like a completely different person.

Mind you, if you don't work at all, this won't work. If you don't work and you don't have a vacation, and you're just sitting at home, you're still going to be anxious. Because, well, you have to think about how to earn money to secure a normal, comfortable existence for yourself in the future. But specifically a vacation, when you change your environment—yes, that makes you relax almost instantly. Generally, a vacation is a great thing if it's planned well, you don't stress, and everything goes smoothly.

What builds trust for you? What needs to happen for you to open up to a person or people in general?

I don’t trust people easily, so in order for me to open up and trust someone, I probably need to know them well. I need them to trust me first. That is, I need the person to completely open up to me as much as possible; I need to know everything about them, to understand what kind of person they are and if they can be trusted. And then, after some time, I will gradually start to open up too and trust them with my worries: good events, bad events—basically, sharing my life. Of course, when I talk to people, I filter what can and cannot be said very rigidly. "Cannot" in the sense that I just don't want to or feel uncomfortable talking about it, things I don't want to share, areas where I don't want people poking their noses into.

Consequently, the issue of trust is very important to me. I probably only trust my partner completely. They know absolutely everything about me, everything to the maximum—yeah, you can probably put everything out there. With them, I can completely relax, I can act like... you know, goof around, be myself, laugh, have fun, behave as openly and relaxed as possible, and know that I am accepted completely and fully just as I am, with everything. In principle, there can only be one such person for me. With everyone else, the degree of trust will be lower, and it will vary depending on how close the person is to me, how well I know them, and whether they trust me too.

Do you prefer to close the distance yourself or leave that chance to your partners? How does it happen for you?

I prefer to close the distance myself and try to get the person to open up in the shortest possible time. When someone doesn't open up for a very long time, stays distant, and shuts down—it's unpleasant for me, and I can pull away too. I'll feel like, "Well, screw you then, I didn't want it that badly anyway." But if it's a matter of principle for me to break through to the person, to achieve the closest possible contact with them—if I set such a goal, of course—then I can somewhat tweak my character, hide some of my personal traits, and try to see what they need to feel completely comfortable and open up. And when I feel that in them, when I unlock them, I even get some sort of pleasure out of it—like, "Boom, it worked, awesome, great."

But sometimes you run into... there are certain people—not many, but they exist—with whom nothing works, no matter what you try. You try this way and that way, but they still maintain a solid defense. And gradually it starts to annoy you, and you think, "You can just go to hell... screw it, I didn't want to anyway."

I don't like it when people close the distance with me too quickly, when someone tries to sort of take control of me fast, or when they try to abruptly cross my boundaries. Therefore, I prefer to regulate the distance with a person myself. When someone starts regulating this distance with me, I feel like I'm losing control of the situation—that things are not developing the way they should, or the way I envisioned in my head how they ought to develop. And I will feel discomfort, and I will try to put the person in their place, push them away from my boundaries, protect my boundaries, and I might try to cut down communication with them because I’ll feel uncomfortable. Therefore, I regulate the distance myself.

What kind of people would you never get into a relationship with under any circumstances?

Stupid ones. There’s nothing worse than... how does it go? "Simplicity is worse than thievery," as the saying goes. I don't like stupid people, I don't like narrow-minded people, and I especially don't like people who, on top of all that, are incredibly arrogant, self-confident, and feel entitled to everything. Those who have this kind of... petty, street-smart cunning, that trashy, loudmouth attitude. Like... how do I put it... I want nothing to do with people like that.

Who else, and under what conditions? People who... it’s going to sound weird to say, probably, and it’s not exactly from the realm of esotericism, but there are people who always have things happening to them... well, or at least that’s how they present it, who are constantly like: "Oh, look at me, I just went out and three disasters happened to him over there." I kind of have a fear of these people and try to stay away. It’s not that I literally believe in things like, god forbid... well, I don’t know, curses, hexes, and all that, but the fact that people affect each other energetically is a reality for me. I mean, we talk to one person—and we feel one way, we talk to another—and we have a completely different mood. One way or another, we influence each other. And so, people who attract some kind of... constant misunderstandings, I just want to stay away from them. I have absolutely no desire to sort out their messes, let alone get into a relationship with them—that’s definitely more of a liability, so of course, I don't want to.

What other kind of people? Probably very rigid ones. They make something up and... you know how military types can be, like: "Listen here... I say it’s like this, so it’s going to be like this." No, thank you. Also, people who, on the contrary, can’t... are incapable of making any decisions, infantile people. Those who are stuck in a perpetual childhood mindset, like: "You decide everything for me, look after me, take care of me, do something for me, I don't know, I’m just a helpless little thing." With people like that, it's also a no. People who can't take responsibility for themselves and their lives. Like, dumping things here today, and tomorrow they're over there... Meaning, they promised you something, but they've already, I don't know, gone off somewhere. People who aren't masters of their own words, who are always somewhere out there, just never here. With them, it's a no too. In general, I probably wouldn't get into a relationship with almost anyone under those conditions. Honestly, it's a very small percentage of people that I would actually enter a relationship with, let's put it that way. I could go on listing who I wouldn’t be with for a long time, so you get the basic idea.

Have you ever had to break up due to incompatibility? Why?

Ah, yes, I have. I've had to... What didn't match? In one case, our temperaments didn't match in terms of... how to put it... in terms of sexual activity. The person didn't really seem to need it, whereas I wanted—if we are in a relationship—to have a normal sex life and normal physical contact. Like, you want me, I want you—and that's it. Not like you have to corner someone against a wall and force them, no. It should be an element of pleasure, not actual violation and coercion where one person doesn't want it and you're there hitting on them—that's humiliating, disgusting, and unpleasant. And so, when I feel that kind of vibe, and that we don't quite match in this area, I'm like: "Let's just stay... let's be friends, because it's great for us to talk, but not so great in that department."

And another case was when I was actually very comfortable and good with the person physically, but it was emotionally very boring. I mean, the person was such a phlegmatic, so calm, that I was just... like, "it's suffocating in here, open a window," because I wanted more passion, more interaction in response to my reactions, even if it meant some arguments, just so it would be emotionally fulfilling. If there were joyful events, I wanted it to be a bit more... within reason... within the bounds of highly emotional people, let me clarify that right away. I don't like people who scream endlessly, laugh out loud where they should and shouldn't, who throw emotions left and right without understanding whether it's appropriate or inappropriate. I can't stand those people at all, same as... well, they tied into the previous question, yeah. So, those were the cases of incompatibility.

How important is cleanliness and order in the house for a person?

Also, there are a couple of additional questions here that I'd like to answer, which I saw in Sergey’s public community, and these questions seemed a bit more interesting to me than the ones about goals and friends. These questions are: how important is cleanliness and order in the house for a person? As someone with experience, I'll tell you: come on, it's insanely important to me. Both cleanliness and order in the house should, if possible, be perfect. All things in the space must be organized as ergonomically as possible, and every single item should lie... and match... I can't stand it when everything is scattered and thrown around, meaning everything must be in its place. If you used it, put it back in its place—that’s the right way in my... in my picture of the world. Therefore, when I visit someone and they have things scattered—if it’s not my space, I basically don’t give a damn. Meaning, live in a pigsty if you want, live colorfully, have whatever you want there. If it's not on my territory, I don't care. If it's on my territory, I won't tolerate it. That is, if it invades my territory—to say that I'll start losing my mind... that I'll be triggered and pissed off that there’s a mess and the person isn't maintaining order is an understatement. I will try every possible way to make sure there is order. So... Do I criticize my loved ones if they leave things around? I don't, because my loved ones don't leave things around. If they did, the dialogue would probably sound like me pointing it out. Meaning, I really emphasize it. For example, at work, everything on my desktop is completely perfect. I had a colleague who had his own personal chaos and mess, and I basically didn't care until he tried to conquer about 10 centimeters of my desk space to put his folders there. That stuff was invariably pushed right back to him, and that’s when I usually told him off: "Your desk is a total mess, it's scary to look at." Well, he improved a little bit after that, cleaned up. So, yes, of course, I bring attention to this... I focus on it, so yes.

And also, how often do you clean? Well, as they say... it's not where they clean often, it's where they don't litter. Therefore, if you don't make a mess and everything is currently in its place, then, accordingly, you don't need to clean all of it every day. You can clean it optionally—depending on what got dirty, you clean that up. Or some kind of schedule, like... I don't know, once a week, once every two weeks—followed by a deep clean. Again, it depends on the situation.

If there’s something that needs to be fixed—let's say, the sink is leaking or a kitchen cabinet door is coming off—do you know... do you put off the repair? No, I try not to put things like that off. The sink, of course... more precisely, a leaking one, I won't go fix it myself... we'll call a specially trained person using a special service, but I will definitely notice it, my mind will be fixated on it, it will annoy me, and, accordingly, I'll try to solve this problem as quickly as possible.

Do you notice appearance? Does it matter to you, or is it not as important as personal qualities?

There was also this question: does a person notice appearance? Does it matter to them, or is it not as important as personal qualities? Appearance is important to me, yes. Perhaps there is a bit of a struggle here... but regarding that part, I won’t be shy about it, I’ll say it frankly: when it comes to people I don’t find visually appealing, my communicating with them... well, it’s an exception to the rule. Maybe when a person is just so charismatic and has completely charmed you with their—I don't know—metaphysics, so to speak, that it’s not just about a turning mechanism... you know? But that is such an exception to the rule that it happens very rarely. Most people are dull and not very interesting, and if they are also unattractive and don't look sharp, communicating at all is like... I mean, you have nothing to look at, and there's no interesting conversation, so what's the point?

So yes, it matters to me. I always notice appearance; even if I see someone for just three seconds, I’m already evaluating them from the tips of their hair to the tips of their fingernails—how harmonious their image is, how good they look, how much it suits them. And I’ll say right off the bat, this isn’t about brands; it’s about whether it looks stylish or not. You can dress on any budget, even from a flea market, but still look very... look stylish, because it suits you. You understand your clothes and your style, and they reflect you, your inner state, as it were—it matches the outer one, and then it looks beautiful and harmonious. So yes, absolutely, I pay a lot-lot-lot of attention to it. I won't say it to people's faces, I don’t make comments to people about their appearance; I just note it all for myself, but I scan it very quickly and always, always notice it.

What kind of look or archetype attracts you, if there is one, and is there a resemblance between your partners?

No, there is no resemblance between my partners, but the one thing that has always united them, so to speak, is that they are people who... take care of themselves, people who care about how they look. In terms of appearance, a person should look neat, clean, let's write down... harmonious, well-dressed. Right.

But if we are talking about a specific look that basically... just a type of appearance that I can kind of fall for, that catches my eye, or that might inspire me—yes, I suppose such types do exist. And as a rule, these are people with regular, symmetrical facial features; people with somewhat stern faces, a straight nose, rather masculine, say, compressed lips—if we're talking about men, right. A strong jawline, high cheekbones, and just cheekbones in general. Hair length doesn’t matter as much; rather, it just has to suit the person. Meaning, short haircuts suit some, long hair suits others, straight hair for some, curls for others, and so on—consequently, there must be harmony.

But I probably notice a more high-contrast look, like when a person is a blonde or a brunette, and at the same time, it's often a... sharp look. For example, Scandinavian, Nordic, or something from the realm of, say, Native Americans, or another region—many Arabs. That is, in terms of color—sharp facial features and a contrasting hair and eye color. I suppose I don't like a blurred, washed-out appearance with vague eye and hair colors, and features that are too soft or smooth.

But... but then again, you have to look at the person, because there are also different images where it’s... it’s very beautiful when, on the contrary, it’s a soft image, something like... an image, I don't know, an elf-like image, maybe; on the contrary, it can be very beautiful.

Therefore, I’m probably also attracted to somewhat detached types, because of this coldness and sternness, or a kind of fairytale-like, ethereal quality, like a phantom, uh... But both are about... one is a bit about being closed off, and the other, of course, is about detachment, being "not of this world" in a good sense. Not in the sense of some mad scientists in stretched-out sweaters tucked into their underwear, right, with God knows what on their heads—no. Exactly a poetic, lyrical image, or a cold, stern, closed-off one. It’s like... you could compare it to a cold sea and cliffs, or, I don't know, a spring forest and a lake—something with silvery, calm, cold water. See, they are seemingly different images, but they are united by this certain aristocracy, an air of composed reserve, and the self-sufficiency of their appearance. This is also very readable and reflected outwardly.

Attitude toward children and intoxicating substances

Well, we are coming to the conclusion. There was a part where Sergey wrote that he would also be curious to know about a person’s attitude toward children and intoxicating substances. I don't know why Sergey put both of those questions into one sentence, but I found it amusing, so I think I’ll answer it.

My attitude toward children is absolutely neutral, meaning I am neither for nor against them. I believe that if someone decides to have children, it’s their choice—if it's a conscious choice, why not? If a person is ready for it, ready to take responsibility for their children, and if they love children, that’s great, that’s good. It means they are ready to raise them. But when people have kids not because they want to, but because they "have to" or because it just happened, and they don't love these children... by the way, they beat them, they don't raise them properly, or they raise them in such a way that it would be better if they didn't raise them at all—that is sad and bad. It also bothers the people around them because, as a rule, such parents allow their kids to behave in absolutely unacceptable ways. They just don't care what they do, and of course, that is not a good thing.

Do I love children? I don't know, I guess I don't really feel any particular way about them as a whole. I can't say that I absolutely can't stand them, where if I see a child, I'm like, "Oh my god, no!" But I also can't say that when I see a child, I go all "cochie-cochie-coo!" Like, "Oh, a child, how wonderful." Some kids do spark interest; they can be very smart, they say interesting things, and it can be interesting to listen to them. What else... well, many kids are also quite cute on the outside, and if they are a bit cute and smart—that’s great, awesome, the parents got lucky. Though, "got lucky" is probably the wrong way to put it, because parents contribute significantly to how a child is raised. So, my attitude toward children is absolutely neutral—neither positive nor negative.

But my attitude toward intoxicating substances is strictly negative. I am completely against anything that affects the human psyche in a way that deprives a person of the ability to control their behavior and be responsible for their emotions, actions, deeds, and thoughts. I don't like alcoholics, and to be perfectly honest, I generally don't like people who drink. Even if they just had a drink—I don't like drunk people, even slightly tipsy ones. For me... no, I rarely touch anything, maybe just a little bit of good homemade wine, or some very light cocktail. I don't like alcohol, and I don't like the effect it has on the psyche.

Yes, back in my early youth, my attitude was different, and I had to... well, being in a company of friends, we used to get really wasted, and we tried all sorts of things, and nothing... nothing good ever came of it. I mean, there was no real pleasure in it for me; instead, I would feel absolutely terrible and miserable afterward, thinking, "Never again in my life, no!" I think everyone is familiar with that feeling when you think "never again," and then you go and do it anyway. But as I got older, I came to the point where I genuinely just don't want it. I don't like the taste of alcohol, I don't like the effect it has, how it... how I feel after it, so why bother? I'd rather have a fresh juice—it’s much tastier and healthier.

I feel the same negative way about other substances, because again... a person ceases to be their own master. And I think that's bad because it creates problems for the person themselves—you never know what they might do to themselves—and it also poses a threat to others. A person under the influence strips themselves of responsibility both from themselves and for themselves and their actions. And even if they do something that negatively impacts the people around them, what do they say afterward? "Well, it wasn't me, it was the substance." They don't know anything, they don't remember anything. So for me, it’s a form of infantilism—using various substances that affect your mind to the point where you lose self-control.

I know that many people do this to open up, to unlock some creative potential, for example, or they use them to work more. But my take on it is this: if your creativity doesn't come from within, and you need some kind of stimulants for it, the question is—can you even be called a creator? Because are you really creating? You are creating through destruction. This completely contradicts the very process of creation, of making art. As for work... if you need extra substances just to stay afloat and work, well, maybe you should think about changing jobs. Perhaps you can't handle it, and you just don't have the internal resources for it.

Of course, I’m not talking about total, far-gone addicts here—to be completely open and honest, I see them as second-class citizens. Because if a person does absolutely nothing, including refusing to seek treatment, then they have made their choice. There's no need to coddle them and try to drag them back to a normal life. We can't force anyone to do anything—we can't force them to see a psychologist to get their mental life in order. Similarly, we can't force anyone to recover from alcoholism or drug addiction if the person doesn't want it themselves. If they don't want to, it’s their choice, and consequently, they will face the consequences of that choice, and society's attitude toward them will reflect that. I don't see anything wrong with that, which is why my attitude is completely negative.

And that's the end of the questions. Thank you for your attention.