Communication Styles In Everyday Life

Question: How do different communication styles interact with one another?

I’ll illustrate this with a real-life story. Not long ago, a family of four came to visit us. I already knew this trip promised to be anything but dull, as it was quite a colorful group: the husband—a businesslike, energetic SLE ('Business-like' Communication Style); the wife—a dreamy and soft-spoken IEI ('Sincere'); the older son—a thoughtful and logical LII ('Cool'); and the younger son—a deep and sensitive EII ('Sincere').

They arrived late in the evening, exhausted from the road. The car, packed to the brim with suitcases, seemed to exhale the heavy air of a long journey.

We met them at the doorstep as one should: with smiles, dinner, and a genuine desire to make their stay as comfortable as possible. The evening went smoothly. Over dinner, our guests perked up: SLE regaled us with the story of how they had almost gotten lost at an interchange, but ultimately found the right way thanks to "the best navigation system." IEI quietly added details to his tales and shared warm impressions of the scenery outside the window. The older son sat at the table with an impeccably straight back, asking clarifying questions and seemingly analyzing the entire route trajectory in his mind. Meanwhile, the younger one smiled modestly, as if soaking in the warmth of our home and our hospitality.

After dinner, we made up the beds for everyone. Sighing with relief, our guests turned in for the night. Though the evening had been peaceful, I somehow sensed that the morning would bring something special—as if this quartet attracted events and emotions as naturally as a magnet attracts iron filings.

Little did I know just how right I was.

Saturday morning. We hadn't even fully woken up when there was a knock at our bedroom door. Standing on the threshold were our guests: SLE, eyes sparkling and ready for action, and IEI—wrapped in a cozy blanket, a guardian of morning peace.

"Guys, you’ve got a problem," SLE began with a grin, as if he had brought the problem as a gift. "The heated towel rail burst; there’s water everywhere."

IEI added gently, with a note of sympathy:

"Yes, there's a real mess in your bathroom. We're so sorry, we were probably making noise..."

At that moment, SLE was already rolling up his sleeves:

"Where do we shut off the water? And do you have tools?"

As I was still shaking off sleep, SLE seemed ready not only to fix the issue, but to dig up half the town.

As soon as the water was shut off, SLE took full control of the situation. He deftly removed the towel rail as if he’d been doing it his whole life. Spotting a cracked part, he declared:

"Alright, it's clear—we need a new one. Let's run to the store. Consider it a morning jog," he added briskly with a wink.

Ten minutes later, we were on our way. On the walk, naturally, he couldn't just go straight to the store:

"Look at that building," he said, suddenly stopping (he owns a construction company) and pointing to an old brick structure. "It's vacant. Needs scoping out. Great property. The roof is trashed, sure, but the brickwork is solid. With some investment, you could turn this into a gem."

He started examining the building from all angles, as if this weren't a casual morning stroll but an inspection for a new neighborhood development.

"Drop me the pin. I'll check the land rights later and see how much the renovation would run. Awesome project, right?"

I wasn't even surprised anymore. That was classic SLE: energy, goals, tasks. If anything with potential crosses his field of vision, he instantly turns it into a project.

Meanwhile back home, IEI (a regressive hypnotherapist) was in no rush whatsoever to join SLE's "rescue operation." She had made herself cozy in the kitchen, brewing tea. As soon as the first cup was poured, she began sharing stories:

"Yesterday I was thinking about this girl I met at a retreat. She has such a delicate soul... She said meditation changed her life. Can you imagine?"

IEI unhurriedly spoke about her thoughts and feelings. Each story felt like a warm blanket you could wrap yourself in. While SLE radiated businesslike drive, IEI emanated total relaxation and harmony.

I popped my head into the kitchen to mention we'd be back soon. IEI smiled:

"The main thing is that everything turns out alright. Things like this happen sometimes to remind us that life isn't about control—it's about flow."

Hard to argue with that.

EII, their younger son, was on another floor. He and our child (they're the same age) were discussing something in quiet whispers. Whenever I walked upstairs to call everyone for breakfast, they would fall silent, as if caught performing some secret ritual.

"What are you guys up to?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing, just talking," EII answered evasively.

He was an introvert to the bone, but at lunch, when we finally gathered around the table, he listened intently, occasionally asking precise and unexpected questions:

"Why did the pipe burst? Is your plumbing system old?"

At times, it felt as though he was keeping the entire situation in his head, including every participant's subtle emotional nuances.

The older son, LII, was even more reserved. First, he spent the entire evening glued to his laptop, tinkering with code. When we finally dragged him out of his room, he answered questions curtly, but at one point he suddenly chimed in:

"I was thinking—if you had a leak detection system, this wouldn't have happened. I saw a project like that once; I want to develop something similar. It's an interesting topic."

When SLE and I returned from the store, he reassembled everything like new in literally half an hour. Before I even had time to be amazed, the towel rail was installed and good to go.

"There we go," he said, wiping his hands. "— You've got to live actively! Every day is a project. Problems are just tasks. Solve them and move on."

IEI nodded approvingly:

"It's great that everything was fixed so quickly. You really have a talent for these things," she smiled again, clearly trying to soften the intensity of SLE's energy with her gentleness.

This is, of course, just a snippet. Far more happened that day and the next—a group like that can't go an hour without something interesting happening. But as far as communication styles go, I think it makes for a rather vivid illustration.

Source: S. Ionkin