Lina K. (LIE) — Driven by Logic, Fuelled by Purpose

Thirst for Knowledge and Unreasonable Ban on Reading

A LIE child needs knowledge; they are naturally curious and eager to learn. From an early age, they should be introduced to books—read to them when they are small, and later they will read on their own. I used to walk across the whole city to the library and read heavily, mostly about nature and history. I read tons of history: Ancient World, Egypt. I had the most diverse range of interests.

We didn't have a single book at home; I borrowed them from the library, but my parents banned me from reading. I kept pushing back: “It makes no sense, why are you forbidding me to read?” If I’ve done my homework and I’m getting good grades, why ban reading?

So, I started reading collected works of literature. I remember it like it was yesterday: I’d take Bolesław Prus and read under the blanket at night with a flashlight. I’d finish a volume quickly, and since all the books in a collected edition were the same color, my parents wouldn’t realize I was switching volumes. That way, I avoided reprimands for taking a "new" book. Same cover, same author—they never bothered to read the titles. So, you just lie under the blanket with a flashlight and read away.

It is vital to show a LIE child all aspects of life. My life back then was one-sided: kindergarten, school—a very limited circle.

Resilience and Standing One's Ground

In our yard, it was all boys. I played only boys' games, and every single one of them got beaten up by me at some point—I fought fiercely.

You can't bully a LIE! I will always fight back.

A LIE strives to be the absolute best in everything they do.

Physical Activity and Finding an Outlet

I chose cross-country skiing. Where we lived, there was plenty of space to ski. I went to the skiing club with great enthusiasm. I loved running fast so that my whole body engaged in the work, and I enjoyed socializing with my peers. After training, there was such a pleasant fatigue—it felt so good.

In the beginning, parents should accompany their child to such clubs and support them. A child must be given direction.

Conflict with Blind Obedience and Lack of Logic

When a LIE child doesn’t understand what is being demanded of them, it triggers a storm of emotions.

I asked my mother if I could go visit a friend. She said, “You’re not going!”

I asked, “Why? Explain.”

She couldn’t explain.

So I said, “Well, I’m going then, since there’s no reason not to.”

“You’re not going!”

Her stubbornness drove me to tears. I never understood why she didn’t let me go, and that resentment stayed with me forever—it never went away. You need to explain why you aren't letting the child go. I hadn't done anything wrong, I had free time, and it was summer so there was no school. Explain what you want! If you want to keep me busy, just say so. But when things are unexplained—that's the absolute worst!

I had constant conflicts with my mother when I couldn't understand what was expected of me, when the logic wasn't clear, and she simply demanded blind obedience. Situations arise where there is no objective reason to refuse, yet you get a flat denial, and it's completely unclear why. Such a child desperately needs logic, and when there is none, everything falls apart.

Logic Over Violence: The Need for Autonomy

I could see that I was smarter than the adults, so when they tried to steamroll me without explaining their reasons, it created confusion, followed by resentment. Explain it! There must be logic. Explain your actions: why are you forbidding something? Everything needs to make sense!

When they wouldn't let me go skiing or go somewhere else, I would reach the edge, but I didn't disobey. The urge to just leave and do it my own way was huge because I could see that I was right. I needed to go to practice, yet I was held back over completely fabricated excuses like not finishing my food.

A LIE cannot tolerate coercion, especially when it lacks logical justification.

Responsibility and Mutual Respect

Duties should be introduced gradually, according to the child's age and abilities. When I was about six or seven, I was assigned the duty of mopping the floors. That was it—the adults forgot about the floors; it was all on me. Once a week, on Saturdays, I would walk across the entire city to my grandparents' house to mop their floors too. I knew there was no other way—it was my duty. You show up, you clean!

If something is a clear obligation and the child knows it, they will carry it out. They will never refuse.

If a child fails to do something, don't scold them. Instead, ask: “Did you forget? Did something urgent come up?” Maybe they were called into school or something similar—there must be a valid reason. If there is no reason, the child will do it without fail; it’s sacred. But if you yell at them, they’ll turn around and refuse to do a thing.

If I'm mopping the floor and a missed spot is found, you just need to say: “Next time, try to wash that corner a bit more thoroughly.” But if someone screams at me, “Why didn't you clean it, you little nuisance?”—I’ll seriously reconsider whether I’m going to mop those floors at all.

Risk, Thrill-Seeking, and Boundaries

A LIE child has a competitive drive and craves adrenaline, which makes them susceptible to gaming or gambling if the conditions are right—they derive pleasure from the thrill.

• Computer Games: Time spent on games must be strictly regulated by parents.
• Earned Playtime: Allow game time only after homework and chores are finished.
• Clear Agreements: Establish transparent rules: “If you get C’s, no gaming—that was our deal.”

The most important foundation is a relationship built on trust. If you yell at a LIE child, they will slam the door, storm off, and go raise trouble with friends.

I remember several terrifying moments when I pushed boundaries right to the absolute limit of disobedience, but I always stopped just in time—I’m not even sure why. Probably because my mother would immediately go into hysterics: lying down, crying, claiming her heart was stopping. Just like when I asked to visit my friend and was denied for no reason. In those cases, I would push all the way until all arguments were exhausted... and then she'd faint. I always stopped at that precise boundary; I didn't cross it, didn't run away, and remained obedient.

Over minor things, I constantly ran into misunderstandings, but I somehow stayed grounded. The absolute worst I ever did was talk back.

Practical Skills and Recognizing Effort

A LIE child needs to be taught how to do things with their hands. Girls should learn to sew, cook, and clean. Boys should learn to fit locks, work with plumbing, electricity, and so on.

This was encouraged in my home, and because of that, doing hands-on work felt satisfying. It feels good to be praised.

A LIE's work must be noticed and appreciated.

Patience, Focus, and Purposeful Work

One of my hobbies was embroidery, which was strongly encouraged. I made so many embroideries; they are still around today. Looking at them now, it's mind-blowing—massive canvases done in satin stitch!

That work cultivated my patience. I can patiently endure tedious, detailed work that can't be done quickly if I see a clear purpose ahead. If there is no purpose, I won't do it.

If I see that it will lead to a worthwhile outcome, I will patiently work through it all. The purpose of embroidering pictures back then was simple: after the war, embroidered pillows, wall pictures, dresser toppers, tablecloths, and napkins were all the rage. People wanted to brighten up their impoverished, grey lives in whatever small domestic ways they could—with little flowers, bouquets, and pansies. It made sense; everyone did it, and it was pretty, neat, and fashionable.

Later, when I finished university and started working, I got rid of all those napkins and old furniture, replacing them with modern sofas and wall units.

Earning Independence and Achieving Goals

I really wanted to study music, but it cost money, and there were no free music schools. Only at the age of thirteen did I get a job at my mom’s kindergarten working the evening shift, taking care of the kids. They paid me, and I used that money to enroll in music school. I played the piano and absolutely loved practicing music.

Whatever a LIE does, they always strive to achieve results.

For example, after the war, hardly anyone had a father, and everyone was struggling financially. For first grade, my mother altered one of her old dresses for me, and I wore it for two or three years. Then she told me, “Learn to sew yourself.”

From the age of ten, I made all my own clothes—absolutely everything: dresses, underwear, knitted hats, and I even made myself a coat. Utility and cost were important. No one was going to buy anything for me; I could only re-sew things out of my mom's old clothes. I was doing something useful, and I had a clear goal: to sew clothes and dress myself.

You shouldn't raise a child by giving them so much that they have nothing left to strive for. You must teach them to achieve. You want something? Put in the work! Experience the joy of accomplishing something through your own effort.

In adulthood, material things matter only because they open up opportunities. For instance, now I can travel. I never had that before. When I worked at the medical academy as a Doctor of Sciences, I couldn't afford it.

Money isn't for the sake of money—it's for exploring the world.

The Need for Guidance, Support, and Advice

When I needed help, I always asked. For example, I needed a coat when I was already quite grown up. My coat was worn out, so I asked my mom, “Can I buy a coat?”

“I don't know...”

“Look, mine is completely worn out...”

I had picked out a lovely model—a sweet, normal, pretty coat for a girl. It was my own money, too; I started earning early.

“I don't know, do whatever you want, why are you asking me?”

I thought to myself: “Right when I actually need advice, no one gives it!”

All I needed was simple advice and support. I didn't need money or anything else. Sometimes you just want to be guided, but you get turned away. A LIE child needs advice and direction. Such a child is extremely active: wherever you direct them, that’s where they’ll throw their energy. Guidance is crucial.

Because I wasn't guided, I made so many mistakes and got so many bumps along the way. Next time you want to ask for advice, you already know you won't get any—so off you go, girl, figure it all out by yourself! When you need advice, you don't get it, so all the mistakes are yours to bear.

Learning Through Real Examples and Purposeful Action

Parents need to use facts to show a LIE child that everything comes through labor. Help them find a field where they feel comfortable, interested, and able to earn a living. Don't just preach—show them by doing.

You can point to real-life examples: “Look at Aunt Nastya, how does she live? What drives her? She puts her heart into her work, she found her calling, and that's why she has everything. She derives immense pleasure from her job, fully realizes her potential, and at the same time, it opens up new opportunities for her.”

Don't tell the child directly, “You will have X and Y here...” Show them through examples instead. It shouldn't be a blunt lecture, but you must demonstrate that to have something, action is required. The most important thing is to choose work that is enjoyable, interesting, and deeply satisfying.

Helping a child choose a direction is the parents' job. No one directed me; I grew like wild grass, which is why I poked my nose into every corner.

Ambition, Motivation, and Finding One's Calling

When I was in school, I had a friend who performed very poorly academically—she barely scraped by with C's. For some reason, I felt I had to accompany her to a place where her weak grades would still get her admitted. I dragged her to a garment vocational school and enrolled alongside her. Naturally, I passed the entrance exams effortlessly, and so did she. After just one year, I realized I had made a mistake.

Everything happened almost by chance. Another friend of mine, who now lives in Finland, tried to get into medical school multiple times but failed every time, eventually graduating with a degree in special education. I thought to myself: “What, am I not going to get into medical school?”

It wasn't my childhood dream, although many factors pointed me in that direction. My older cousin Vera was a doctor, four years my senior. She came to visit us as a fifth-year medical student. I saw how dignified, intelligent, professional, and fascinating she was. I wanted that for myself.

There was also an elderly lady covered in wrinkles who wore a hat with feathers and carried herself with great importance. I liked that image. My circle included many doctors who were quite successful, elegant, and could afford a lot by the standards of that time. There was an alluring image of a doctor that attracted me.

However, it wasn't as if I had dreamed of medicine since childhood. I simply took those successful, well-groomed, accomplished people as a model. But the main trigger was that Sveta, my best friend, failed her medical school admissions. How could I fail where she couldn't make it? I needed to choose a university, so I chose the Medical Institute in Gorky. I felt the urge to prove to my friends and to myself that I was superior. But there was no lifelong childhood dream.

A LIE child can be shown these kinds of real-world models. If you constantly demonstrate such examples and they align with the child's own desires, it will yield great results.

As it turned out, medicine is a highly creative profession with immense room for professional growth—you can learn your entire life. That is crucial for me. Furthermore, it is noble: it involves helping people, and it pays well.

Cultivating Ambition and Professional Mastery

The right approach is to set high goals for the child so they can stand out among their peers. Provide them with highly professional mentors. Teach them continuously. Let them feel like a true professional so they can break through in a specific field, and they will grow with confidence.

Assist them with school subjects as well—make things smoother so they feel they are actively advancing toward their goal. There must always be a goal.

Always maintain an open dialogue built on respect, treating them like a capable adult: “I am listening to you, and I hear you.”

Political Ambitions and Building a Just Society

I would have also gone into politics. I would have bulldozed my way through: people would hit me, kick me from all sides, but I would remain steadfast and consistent.

For me, the main thing in politics isn't money or material goods—it's achievement. It’s about building a fair, efficient society so there are no destitute people, creating a truly comfortable environment where people can actually reach agreements. Most importantly, there must be fair courts and everything that comes with them. There needs to be a strong, positive leader whom the entire nation can follow.

You need to build a democratic society where people with any viewpoint, no matter how quirky their ideas are, aren't exiled or repressed. Instead, everyone should be able to negotiate, express their point of view, and then work together to devise a common plan. It needs to be comfortable for everyone.

Source: How to Raise a Child Without Complexes by O. Mikhevnina