Polina A. (ILI) - On Body, Health, and Food

I try to avoid quarrels and conflicts. Sometimes, if I am pushed too far, I withdraw into myself—a reflex. I am absent from this world; I am in my memories. I don’t sense my body during this time; it’s like a forgotten object. In that moment, nothing hurts, and I don’t feel hungry. I try to pull myself out of it, but if I don't, I remain in that state for a long time.

I had problems with the dentist. I didn’t go for many years because I was afraid it would hurt. I used to be deathly afraid of breaking an arm or a leg; people said it was unpleasant and bad. That fear of breaking bones is gone. I have a fear of snakes—that they’ll bite and I’ll die. I’ve been afraid as long as I can remember; maybe I read too much about it. I’m afraid of getting sick at the wrong time.

Food must be familiar. It’s better not to give a child anything new or "supernatural"; suspicion arises that it might not taste good. I won’t even try it. I won't even look at "strange" dishes, like salted cottage cheese. I don't like egg yolks, I don't eat beets, and I've never even tasted mayonnaise. I can't eat in the morning; my stomach is still asleep. I’ll come home from school at 1:00 or 1:30 PM; I can eat, but I'm not hungry. Until I pay attention to my stomach, I won't want food. If something smells delicious, I might feel hunger.

<...> When a child like this feels unwell, you shouldn't instill in them the idea that they are "sick." You just need to take care of them, show attention, and encourage them: "You are healthy." If a child doesn't want to eat something, don't "shove" it into them. It will just cause a spasm in the throat.