Oksana M. (ESE)

I am always aware of my body. Once, I was asked to list how many types of pain I could name. For example, stabbing, cutting, aching... I named thirty. My body is highly sensitive. Many people don’t notice, say, someone knocking behind the wall, but I find irritating sounds hard to bear. A radio behind the wall is enemy number one.

My entire body becomes heavy, even breathing gets difficult, and my head feels tense. My body literally starts to whimper: "It's uncomfortable, help..." And if the scent of perfume "drifts in" from somewhere on top of that, I often get a headache and catch my breath. That’s no way to live! Happiness evaporates! I have to go, shut off the negative emotions, and show who is boss of the territory, otherwise I might just collapse.

On the other hand, I absolutely adore the subtlest aromas, mostly of natural origin—for instance, the smell of lightly salted cucumbers, lemon, a freshly cleaned room, or frosty air. When I smell them, my body relaxes, and the world begins to gleam with happiness. Music has a similarly marvelous effect on me, but only the kind that resonates with delicate harmony and beauty.

Sometimes I imagine myself as a snail without a shell: if external sensations get just a bit harsher, I feel miserable.

I love severe frosts, raging winds, and have no fear of towering waves. I love autumn; it holds so much beauty of fading nature, subtle scents, rustles, and quiet stillness. This is all the harmony of nature, and I embrace it. But anything that destroys harmony stands out sharply to me and irritates me—I am ready to go and do whatever it takes to restore a harmonious space.

<...> My hobby is collecting sunsets. "How?" you might ask. Quite simply. When you find yourself inside a picturesque sunset, you soak it in and remember it for the rest of your life with your entire bodily and spiritual being. It is "nirvana." This state is hard to describe; in my understanding, this feeling is one of the highest steps of happiness. There is nothing around you—no problems, no body of yours, no surrounding reality—just a single feeling of absolute bliss.

Happiness is also stepping onto fluffy, light, pure, freshly fallen snow and feeling it gently crunch... Or taking down laundry that has been drying in the frost... This scent of fresh-frozen laundry lives somewhere deep in my subconscious and can provide the energy of happiness in any difficult life situation.

Whenever any health-related information comes my way, I catch it instantly. Health shows are recorded in my mind down to the smallest detail; even if I wanted to shake them out, I couldn't. It’s a pity, of course, that I don't have a medical education. My feeling is that it would have been "a breeze" for me—I would have worked with great ease. Besides, my conscience wouldn't allow me to pass by if someone is sick, hungry, or cold. I will cure them, feed them, warm them up, and feel incredibly happy because of it. It’s hard to imagine a place that gives me more strength.