Constructivism, or the Story of How I Watched a Heart-Wrenching Movie with a SLI

This story happened a long time ago. Back when I knew absolutely nothing about Socionics.

At the time, I (IEE) was dating a very pretty SLI girl. She was smart and interesting, but incredibly closed off. And I had this bad habit of dragging other people's skeletons out of their closets. I didn’t mean any harm by it; I’d just see that someone was hiding something from me and prod them into talking about it. I’d pull the secret out, marvel at it, and then forget it. I did this regularly enough to add a splash of color to the gray everyday routine. The fact that it took her a long time to bounce back from these conversations didn’t really register with me. I just appreciated that she was telling me things that almost no one else knew. I treated these "finds" carelessly, which is exactly how I stumbled into the story I'm about to share.

I happened to come across the movie Amores Perros (Love's a Bitch). A heavy drama about feelings and relationships. I loved it so much that I spent the whole evening under its spell. And so, I decided that I had to show it to my SLI girl, no matter what. It’s a deep movie, so why not share it?

She wasn’t thrilled about the idea. She told me straight up that she had zero desire to watch that kind of movie, which only made me want to show it to her even more. I showed up at her place with the VHS tape, firmly convinced we were going to watch it. I was warned one more time: "Don't." But my persuasion proved stronger than her vague anxiety.

We started watching. Her face was completely stone-cold, her eyes glassy. I noticed this and thought, "Wow, it’s really getting to her." We watched in total silence. The atmosphere was intense—like storm clouds, lightning, and static electricity in the air. By the second part of the movie, I realized this was probably a terrible idea and suggested turning it off. To which she replied: "No, we are watching it to the end. You wanted this so badly, after all." I was already feeling deeply uncomfortable, but I didn't dare eject the tape.

By the finale, there were so many tears, sobs, and raw emotions that I wanted to sink through the floor.

I honestly tried to switch gears, distract her, or change the subject, but she completely ignored my existence.

Then she said, "Leave! I don't want to see you right now." Now, leaving meant traveling all the way to the other side of town, which was definitely not in my plans. And besides, I thought, "What’s the big deal?!"

But here is what the big deal actually was. She had previously told me how long it took her to get over the death of her father, who died in a car crash along with their dog. She had told me about her ex-boyfriend, who left her for someone else because of money. She had told me how long she had been trying to forget all of it. And there I was—the guy who knew all this—showing up with this awful tape and practically forcing her to watch it. To her, it looked like I had done it on purpose.

Of course, that was total nonsense! How cruel would you have to be to deliberately orchestrate that kind of nightmare? Plus, some of the details I hadn't even truly grasped. When irrationals pour their hearts out about their deepest feelings, it doesn't always come out coherent and clear. But I had been nodding along, saying, "Yeah, yeah! I totally understand you!"—haven't we all? Granted, whenever I accidentally struck a volcanic nerve, my emergency system would kick in, and I’d take measures to prevent her from going into total self-destruction mode.

But who could have guessed that watching this movie would trigger those specific memories? A person who knows Socionics could have. A Farsighted type might have, simply due to their habit of thinking about consequences. Or a Sincere type, who is deeply attuned to their partner's inner world.

But a Passionate IEE, especially an inexperienced teenager who just wanted to make an impression, couldn't possibly have known.

Source: S. Ionkin