Elena V. (LII)

If I don’t know something, then I don't it; but if I do know something—and especially if I see, for example, that my spouse is incompetent in a certain area—I will naturally exert every effort to ensure the decision is made based on my understanding and vision.

When I need a household appliance, I gather information until a complete picture forms in my mind:

• What the volume of the refrigerator and freezer should be;

• The layout and proportions;

• Power/Wattage;

• Conveniently placed shelves—they must be glass, not wire racks;

• The quality of the plastic inside: how well it cleans and how quickly it might discolor. If I see, for instance, that the plastic is porous or yellowish, I anticipate how it will perform in use and think: "This won't work for me."

• The color of the unit itself: white is the wrong choice; it will yellow and show dirt.

In reality, it is a very complex set of criteria. It is very difficult for a person standing next to me, who doesn’t visualize all of this, to "get" it—especially if their own logic is weak.

If I am certain of the pros and cons of a chosen refrigerator and can provide a reasoned answer to any question, I will, of course, stand my ground. I will try to explain it rationally and clearly, approaching the subject ten different ways if I have to. If the issue is significant or a matter of principle, I will not back down.

I judge a person by how correctly and tactfully they behave. It’s a simple "yes" or "no." Are they smart? Are they polite? Do they have a handle on the situation? I cannot stand hysteria.

To perceive a person’s mood or feelings through facial expressions, gestures, or a turn of the head is beyond my comprehension. I don't "feel" these things. It is impossible for me to orient myself quickly, break it down logically, and track that entire chain of cues—it just doesn't work for me. And as for sensing it intuitively—I simply don't have that capacity.

If the behavior of someone close to me deviates from the norm, I ask: "What happened?" I need a reason; otherwise, I feel bad—a sense of gloom. I begin to slowly and gradually investigate the cause, asking questions... I ask a question, get an answer—no, the cause isn't there. Not there either, so I must keep looking. There must be a logical reason for everything. For me, even a person saying, "I don't know, I just feel bad," counts as a reason; I’ll think, "Well, maybe it’s a headache." I will find a reason that logically justifies their state regardless.

If I cannot uncover the cause, I will leave them alone. I won't pace around worrying about their "soul searching" or emotional angst.

However, if someone—even a complete stranger—suffers a genuine misfortune, I will be distressed. I feel sorry for them, and the thought arises that this could happen to me. I imagine how bad it would be, and I become fearful and anxious.