Dmitry A. (SLE) - Justified aggression

As for aggression. Many people say that SLEs are aggressive. That’s complete nonsense! There’s no desire to just attack someone for no reason, to lash out. There is a clear understanding that even if I’m strong, I will never be the first to start anything. I have never started first. But if I do get involved, then I go all the way. If someone just pushes me, invades my personal space, I will push back so hard that the offender will fly to the next wall and hit their head against it. My response is disproportionate; in terms of force it is stronger than the attack.

A child should be allowed to be a child in childhood. I wasn’t always allowed that. I always had to behave properly. And I did behave properly, because I had personal responsibility. But if I had been allowed to be myself… allowed to fight… if I had realized earlier that I could hit back… A SLE needs to be taught how to fight.

Parents shouldn’t scare a child with words like: “What are you doing, you hit a person…! Do you even know who you are?” And then that other kid’s mother comes and starts yelling too. If a SLE hits someone, and the offended kid’s father naturally comes to sort it out, let him sort it out not with the little SLE, but with SLE’s parents. They’ll vent their emotions, and if I see that, my conscience will torment me afterward. And then I won’t know what to do with the person I hurt. I hit him, and for myself I’m kind of a hero, but if I know his mother came and I split his lip, I’ll then start beating myself up. I need my parents to tell me afterward: “Diman, you did this—but was it adequate? Try to analyze the situation. Were you acting appropriately? Did you attack first? Were you just defending yourself? Could you have hit weaker, not split his lip?” That’s the kind of conversation that’s needed—without emotions, without aggression.

My personal sense of responsibility helped me in such situations. I’m sure every SLE has exactly the same responsibility. You just need to explain everything to them calmly, without emotions, without threats, without pressure—especially without pressure.