Svetlana S. (SEI)x

I can always sense the emotional atmosphere around me. Sometimes you get on a bus and there’s the conductor, and when they start talking you can immediately feel what kind of atmosphere they create. One person alone can set the tone for everyone.

I can get in aggressive mood if someone from my family comes onto my territory and starts pointing out what’s wrong or what isn’t the way they think it should be. I hold it in and hold it in, and then I start to explode. I might yell at them, I might even throw something — that happens, but only at home. Outside the house I won’t shout or make a scene. If I don’t let it out, it’s very hard for me to deal with my emotions — I have a lot of energy.

There are three people working in our shift. One is quite balanced and calm. Another can get irritated and start lecturing someone: this is wrong, that is wrong. I try to balance things out, turn it into a joke. And the third one is always bossing everyone around. Here too I try to smooth things over — sometimes I make a joke, sometimes I stay quiet, sometimes I tell her, “You’re not right, my friend.” But actually arguing — what for?

Because of my job, I now spend most of my time talking to people on the phone. Residents call, sometimes they’re irritated — all kinds of things happen. So here you try to speak calmly and kindly: “Hello, could you please tell me your address once again more precisely…” Everything is said in a calm voice with a friendly tone. I ask them what their problem is. I always try to defuse aggression. Once you sort out the issue and give the person some guidance, you can immediately feel how they warm up emotionally and calm down. Sometimes they even call later to say thank you.

I try to turn rudeness and irritation into neutral emotions. Sometimes you just say something a little more gently.

I might say to a woman, “What a beautiful blouse you’re wearing — you look wonderful.” I see that the person starts thinking something nice about herself and warms up.

If I need to come to an agreement with someone about something, I go and calmly explain everything. And of course I smile, find the right approach.

It never happens that I fail to resolve an issue.

I can find common ground with anyone. I don’t have absolute inner certainty that I’ll reach an agreement with everyone, but I use all my charm: “blah-blah, sweet talk…” I try to speak sincerely. If a person is busy or talking to someone else, I try not to intrude. I pause and let them finish their conversation so as not to irritate them if I need something. I understand that you have to adapt to the person.