Olga T. (SEE) - acting out of spite

If such a child throws a tantrum in a store and insists on their “I want,” parents should say: “If you want to — catch up with me!”

You cannot say to such a child: “You’re bad, you didn’t learn it, you can’t do it, you’re lazy.” They may do the opposite out of spite. I told my mom: “I’ll still do whatever I want.” I started smoking at sixteen — it was a protest against strict rules.

When a child falls to the floor to get attention and refuses to get up, if you say, “Get up, get up,” — they won’t. They’ll lie there. But if parents say, “Lie there, go ahead, wipe up all the dirt while you’re at it,” — they’ll get up.

<...> In childhood, my parents did everything to emphasize that I was bad, that I would achieve nothing. But an SEE is built so that they do everything in spite of that, to prove everyone wrong. When we met acquaintances, my parents would say about me: “Oh, she doesn’t eat, she doesn’t grow, she’s not this, not that.” I was a very prickly child. I wasn’t trying to charm anyone or make friends.

<...> I always wanted to strike back. I waited for it, I was even cruel as a child. I remember a girl in class ruined my markers. And in the school hallway there was a drinking fountain. At some point I walked up to her and smashed her head against that fountain. I was six. Prickly, suspicious, vengeful, jealous.

<...> I fought with boys in school. I was like a little dog — I would latch on and scratch if they offended me. One boy even said about me: “She’s not a girl, she’s a tomboy! Don’t mess with her!”