Igor K. (SEE) - reaction to criticism

One of my problematic traits, I believe, is taking offense — and it’s serious. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere. You’re sitting there cheerful, happy, maybe playing or doing something. And suddenly, one word, one gesture — you don’t even know why — and you start feeling offended because someone said something the wrong way. I remember this well.

Even my relatives told me about this. Someone would say something about me, and I consider myself better than what they said.

Sometimes when someone “cuts me off,” I can become silent. It’s not that I’m holding a grudge — I just didn’t like it.

They would sometimes make remarks if I did something wrong. Sometimes the remark was true, but I thought it was wrong and took offense. Two or three days later, you realize the remark was justified, but at the moment it felt like there was a veil over my eyes. And I don’t want to talk to that person.

Criticism needs to be given to me tactfully. First, you can “throw a pat on the back” — praise me for something — and then, bam, lead up to the actual remark. Some people can do this. They’ll say: “You’re the best at this, no one else can do it but you,” and then they’ll make a remark and say, “Well, it happens, but overall you’re doing great.”

<…> Any negative word said to you, especially if it’s about your behavior (that you did something negative or wrong), feels very strong.

<...> Despite my independence, I always wanted my parents to take interest in the small things I was doing. Many things I was interested in or passionate about I considered important and treated seriously, but unfortunately, my parents did not take them seriously. They constantly tried to explain that it was “nonsense,” and that would cut off all initiative to pursue this or that activity. In such a situation, it would be better to clearly explain why something is unpromising or not serious — and if the explanation doesn’t work, an effective approach would be to accept my interest and get involved in the process, even if it’s doomed to fail. As a result, I eventually stopped wanting to share my beginnings or silently ask for support, and instead I searched for support elsewhere.