Tamara Sh. (ILE) about the desire to be smart and unique

And as for being the smartest—well, that just constantly came through. That feeling, it’s somewhere deep inside. You don’t really advertise it, but it’s just this calm awareness inside that no matter what anyone tells me—well, whatever, I know it much better myself. Whatever is happening out there in the world, I still know I’m unique. Even if someone scolds me or something else happens, I think: “Well, okay, why are you scolding me? You just don’t understand me, I’m not like you.” I didn’t say it out loud, of course, but I felt it. I’m different from you. It’s all either spoken to yourself internally or just felt.

When I told my sister about this, she replied: “I didn’t know you considered yourself unique.” It’s very deep inside; it’s not something you show off. It’s like this inner little island of calm, like an internal anchor. Whatever is happening in the outside world, I have this secret, this little mystery: this is who I am! No matter what’s going on, this is me! I still have this to this day.