Andrey D. (ILE) - a child can't lean from someone they don't respect

An ILE child sees any pretense. It really unsettles them. For example, my father came from a working-class family and spent his whole life working in factories. Now he has a decent pension because he worked at GAZ in his youth. He also worked somewhere in a pipe-rolling plant, but that’s not the point. The point is that he is a kind of working-peasant intellectual; we had a well-stocked library at home, which was wonderful. But he had a habit—I don’t remember what it’s called—“Old Petersburg” pronunciation: “grieshnevaia kasha” or “bulochnaya”—it bothered me. Instead of “shchi” he would say “shi.”

<…> When I was little, my father used to drag me to museums. Again, without asking me whether I wanted to go. One day it would be the local history museum, the next day, for example, the art museum. He was insanely proud of being cultured.

This only had a very negative effect on my life. Just as he showed off being cultured—going to museums, reading classics—I tried to show off in front of my classmates. Even though I didn’t understand that, first, children have different priorities, and second, if I put myself above others, they would quickly show me just how far below them I really was.

<…> My father loved taking me to museums. To the local history museum, and then on Rozhdestvenskaya Street—there was a church, which under Soviet rule became a museum. I emphasize: he took me to museums when I was still a preschooler or just in the early grades. But the thing is, a child of that age understands nothing in a museum. Suppose my father brought me to a museum, and there’s a mannequin dressed in a gown.

I didn’t see that it was an antique dress; I saw a mannequin dressed in a gown. I was terrified because I was in this huge hall, with no one else around, these mannequins standing there, empty, silent, creepy. Even scarier were the exhibits dedicated to nature—stuffed animals. Dead animals, frozen in place. For a child, it was terrifying.