Tatiana S. (IEE)

I can pinpoint the moment when a fracture in a relationship occurred — I feel it very clearly from what a person tells me. During the conversation something clicks in my mind: this is the point where it all began. Then I start mentally rewinding everything back. And immediately I feel: this is what needs to be fixed, like this, like this…

I really love observing couples. At least eighty percent of the time I can tell what kind of couple they are: whether they’ve just met and are on their first or second date, whether they’ve been together for a long time, or whether they’re simply friends.

I sense these things very well. I can also feel when someone is lying or being insincere in a relationship, when they want to show one thing while feeling something else inside. It always bothers me when that happens. I feel that something is wrong. Outwardly a person may seem kind and friendly, but inside there is some sort of self-interest — I feel all of that.

When someone is hurt or offended by someone else, especially by me, I feel that hurt — I can almost taste it — and it’s very hard for me. When someone is offended by someone else, I try to reconcile them, to explain that there are no “good” or “bad” people — there are simply different people.

My mechanism for “getting acquainted” works almost automatically. A person appears — there he is walking — and something about him catches my eye. First of all, I immediately feel whether something positive or negative is coming from him. I notice the look in his eyes, certain gestures, the way he turns his head. If I want to get acquainted with a woman, I can simply walk up and ask something. I feel exactly how to approach and say, “Hi.” For a man, the main thing is to catch his gaze — whether he wants to or not, after that he will look at you anyway.

I can feel how he looked: whether he was genuinely intrigued or just curious — “Why is she looking at me?” If he’s intrigued, I feel it in every bone. Then I know he might come over. I’m surprised if he doesn’t come up.

The best intensity is when a relationship begins to develop. It’s good when it’s nourished by new emotions. If that happens, it’s wonderful. But if a relationship reaches a certain level and then everything becomes the same over and over again… No, that’s not for me. A relationship has to be fed with new emotions. If everything quiets down and it’s always the same, it becomes boring. There have to be emotions — when a person knows how to surprise you with something, little surprises: organizing a birthday celebration that becomes an explosion of positive emotions. Monotony in a relationship is very depressing. On weekends, a cup of coffee in bed, a rose, a small gift presented beautifully. Let me have a break from standing at the stove… You don’t need too many surprises either — there should be pauses. Sometimes you just want to sit quietly at home.

In someone’s eyes I expect warmth and love. The look should be gentle, tender, warm. If it’s sharp or piercing, I see the unrest — I understand that something has happened. That such a look cannot appear for no reason; I need that look to soften.