Michael R. (IEE) about maneuvering and finding workarounds

If a child initially has a poor relationship with a parent, they won’t always ask, “Can I do this?” or even hint at it. They’ll go around it.

If I wanted something, I would quietly go to my mom and start a long, winding conversation, calmly lead up to the topic, ask for what I needed, and then leave right away. She would say, “Well, yes, that’s possible.” Then I’d go to my father and, starting from a completely different angle, guide the conversation toward that issue, that question.

For example: “Can I (at sixteen years old) spend the night at a friend’s place?” I knew there would be alcohol and everything would be great, but they didn’t know that. I worked it so that one parent agreed, then the other agreed, and later at dinner I would say, “You know, I’d like to go…” And they’d go, “Oh!” And I’d say, “Well, you did agree!” And they’d say, “Ah, so you planned all of this in advance…” I’d say, “Yes, I did! You did agree, so I’m going, everything’s fine!”

An IEE child can manage people’s emotions, desires, motivations, navigate between them. I think that’s not a bad thing.