Michael R. (IEE) about dislike of limited choices or freedom

I loved visiting my grandmother; my two cousins would come there as well. A small town, riding bicycles, climbing behind the sheds and up the trees, constant little “forts” in the bushes. But by the second day, I already wanted to go back home.

I was extremely irritated by my grandmother’s constant control. She chose what I should wear, took away my money saying, “Tell me what you’ll spend it on, and I’ll give you the amount you need.” She forced me to eat a lot and to report where I had been. When I was there, I obeyed because she scared me with my mother, saying she would tell her everything, and I didn’t want to upset my mom. But once, when I got older, my mother found out how I had been mistreated there, she made a huge scene, and I realized that all my grievances against my grandmother were justified, and I began to fight for my freedom. Freedom is sacred to an IEE.

Not a single day passed without a quarrel with my grandmother. Two summer weeks at my grandparents’ place became much easier for me, because I knew I was right and that my mother had my back.

I learned to stand up for my rights and independence. You don’t need to fight with me — you need to negotiate with me.

<...> The main thing here is to present the information correctly. For example: third grade, summertime, and I need to buy a school bag before school starts — one that I would like and that my parents would be satisfied with in terms of quality and health safety. My parents chose a bag for me, brought me to it, and advertised it (for me, it was important that it was beautiful and unique). They told me that no one else would have one like it, and then, most importantly, they let me make the choice — this one or any other. Naturally, I chose that one, fully convinced that I had found it myself and that it was so good. And in fact, I really never saw another bag like it on anyone, except my friend — but his was a different color, and I didn’t envy my friends anyway. For many years I thought I had chosen that bag myself, and then my mom said, “What are you talking about?! We deliberately guided you…” My parents managed to present the information in the right way.

Explanations to such a child should be given in a playful manner, but without baby talk. All explanations should be justified, but parents shouldn’t drill into the child: “Look, look how good this bag is, look how sturdy the handle is, it will last you many years…”