Elena S. (IEE) about the need of variety of people for communication

At school, I had few friends because I was an excellent student; many people envied me, and I felt that others often took advantage of me. Those girls I called friends constantly asked to copy my work or help with something. That wasn’t real friendship — not when you’re not equals, when they always need something from you.

And if I did single a girl out as a true friend, we’d start spending time together. I was very possessive, though, if she also had another close friend. Sharing her with someone else was very painful; I felt jealousy — she went somewhere with her, not with me. I tried never to escalate things or argue so as not to lose a friend or hurt her. I mostly tolerated it because, as I said, I had few friends and the thought of suddenly losing what I did have… It was hard. I kept all that jealousy inside, and it was very painful.

Whenever possible, I tried to limit her communication with others so she would stay with me, near me. But later, when I grew older, in the upper grades, and started attending preparatory courses, I made a few real friends. And each of them, besides me, also had other friends.

Because my close friends had more people in their lives, I became much more tolerant of it. The conclusion that suggests itself, in my opinion, is that the more friends you have, the calmer you feel. If one friend goes somewhere without you, you always have another. And you start to realize that a person is not your property, and that she may have someone else besides you — just as you have several friends. You don’t spend all your time with her, and she doesn’t have to spend all her time with you. Once I began to understand this, it became much easier and more pleasant; life got better.

Now I don’t feel jealousy toward my friends at all. I’m completely at peace with the fact that my girlfriends can love more than just me.

What I mean is that your social circle really does need to expand, you need to make new friends, because it’s very important — very, very important.

A child needs to have many acquaintances and friends. Parents should know this. Friends should be welcomed. One should try to make sure a child spends as much time as possible among other children.