Anna M. (IEE) about luck, intuition, and the absence of fear of change

I always need everything interesting and new. I can feel this inner desire pulling all things unusual and intriguing toward me. Although some people tell me that I am the most unambitious person they’ve ever seen, because I have wishes here, wishes there… I easily achieve this, that, and the other… I just have many desires.

If something interests me or I need something, I feel it start “falling” onto me, and this happens all the time. It’s some kind of luck, everyone is surprised. I come to a consultation, and the exam is tomorrow. Everyone is asking questions, discussing things, and I haven’t even opened the material yet: I had theater, I had work, I was going somewhere. I sit down to study but don’t finish many of the exam questions. I skim through them. Sometimes I’ve learned only about ten percent. Then I go there and pull the ticket I’ve studied.

The main thing is not to doubt. If I study one ticket, I’ll draw exactly that one. It’s all about the inner state: absolute success, absolute confidence in your abilities, not allowing doubt. Inner confidence means you rely on yourself, and help will come from above. And not like, “I’m the greatest, I don’t need any help from above.”

I feel that help will come from above. And with the right mindset, you go forward. It’s important to have that little spark.

Why am I saying this? I constantly participate in competitions: I won several Russian ones, I won and lost regional competitions, and I compared my states of mind. When I thought, “Yes, I won the last competition, I’ll win this one too! I’m the coolest! I’m a total monster here! It’ll be a piece of cake!”—that’s when the result is a loss. But if my state is, “Well, I could lose, I don’t know this, this, and that section, and if they come up, I’ll lose,” then I lose too.

To win, you need confidence in yourself, an uplifted mood, pleasure, a feeling that intuition will lead you to the right answer. You don’t need to know it—you will follow your thought and find the right answer.

It’s easier for me to find a way out of a situation than to stay outside of it, worrying in advance about what will happen. I need to dive into the situation, and then we’ll figure it out rather than worry about what might happen. Problems should be solved as they arise. But actually, I do sort of calculate possible outcomes, how things might unfold, but in any case, I decide when there’s actually something to decide. If an unknown, unforeseen option comes up—that’s when it can be joyful.

<...> I'm not afraid of life’s unpredictability. I cling to every opportunity to try something new somewhere. At the university, the student affairs office is constantly organizing some trips or other events. I come in and say: “If there’s anything to take part in, anything new to try — I’m always with you. Anywhere I can be offered something — I'm ready for anything new.”

Not for money — I’m just interested. I’m ready here, I’m ready there. If something old falls away, maybe I’ll feel nostalgic later, but knowing that something new will come to take its place... And I don’t worry when something old ends.

I remember when I was finishing school, many of us felt like everything had come to a halt — school ended and life stopped. Everyone was scared, but I had the opposite — a positive mood. I thought: I’ll go to university, and if I don’t get in, I can get a job, meet people, get married, do whatever — so many opportunities open up at once. That’s it, you’re free! I encouraged my friends who were stuck in that shock. And I tell my students that endless opportunities open up, all roads are open after school.

I’m always interested in new places. This winter we’re going on a trip for the Christmas holidays. In the Bryansk region there’s a village called Eternity. We’re going to see Eternity. A friend of mine says no one lives there, the village is completely deserted. To get there, you have to walk fifteen kilometers. My friend called around and found out how to get there.

We’re curious about everything — what the houses are like, whether people live there or not, whether there’s any civilization. We looked at the map and saw the village of Eternity. To visit Eternity — isn’t that great? Pretty cool! First we need to get to Moscow, then from Moscow to Bryansk, somewhere between Bryansk and Kaluga... I don't really know — I rely on people. The most important thing is that I’m going with friends I rarely see, but they’re truly unique people. We’ll travel with them by train and chat all night long. I love trains. Then we’ll get there, and nothing will be clear at all. The friend who’s organizing everything found out some details and wanted to tell me.

I said: “Don’t tell me what it’s like — don’t deprive me of the thrill of the unknown!” And he said: “Don’t take any money — it’ll be even more fun!” Everything inside me is bubbling — I want to go.

Even though people are inviting me on a last-minute trip for a ridiculous price to some islands in warm places — comfort, coziness, everything planned, the day mapped out... everything predictable. I say: “No, sorry, I’ll spend that money to go to the village of Eternity and spend time with my friends.”