'Victim', or 'Provocateur' Romance Style (Intuitive, Dynamic, Decisive)

Provocateurs create conditions under which another person—especially a Controller—naturally feels the urge to take the initiative. Their form of "care" lies in sensing the perfect moment to give a nudge.

Difference from Playful Types

The games Provocateurs play are far more intense than those of Playful types. Provocateurs consciously break rules and challenge the system, often committing acts that a Playful type would be psychologically unprepared for. They possess an inner core and display a certain toughness. Unlike Playful types, the Provocateur is fully aware of whom they are provoking and how.

Example of the difference: The behavior of an ILE might provoke anger and a desire to put the rude person in their place. The behavior of an EIE not only provokes anger but strikes a nerve—they know exactly which words will make you cringe from the inside.

The Mechanics of Provocation: A Test of Strength (Se)

The essence of Provocateur behavior is a provocation to elicit force (Se). They test people to see if they can stand up for themselves. A Provocateur can communicate in a way that draws aggression, which is part of their screening process. Provocateurs generally dislike people who show weakness.

Logical Provocateurs: Since Logicians are not particularly adept at relationships, they tend to test people through action. They might put someone down. If that person fights back, they earn respect—it means they have character. If they don't fight back, the Provocateur sees no point in dealing with them.

Provocation is often more visible in group settings.

Extraverts (Carefree): They test partners for resilience, strength, and courage—both one-on-one and, especially, in groups. The EIE, for instance, can mock others openly and performatively for an audience.
Introverts (Farsighted): They identify the group leader and aim to walk in lockstep with them. They have an excellent nose for weakness. They are more likely to provoke someone's expulsion from the group through intrigue rather than open confrontation. When they see a situation reaching its climax and a person about to be completely destroyed, they may switch to a "defender" mode, asking, "Why are you being so cruel?"

Let's look at ILI and LII. At first glance, what is the difference? Both are often found at a computer, closed off, unemotional, and detached. But look closer. The girl around whom the action revolves is usually an ILI. This isn't always obvious because she observes events with detachment. You might think, "She's probably someone's younger sister who had to be tagged along." That would be almost true, except for one significant nuance: her advice is not just heard—it is practically never disputed. This happens partly because you forget she was the one who gave the advice. Her suggestions are like the wind, carrying thoughts that you simply follow.

The behavior of an IEI girl is similar, except she leaves a psychological trail behind her. I remember visiting the same place for a month every year. There was an IEI girl there who loved socializing with young men. Every guy she spoke to sincerely believed that she talked only to him that way, and was completely different with everyone else. She genuinely gave something unique to everyone.

Provocateurs easily give themselves permission to do what they do. An IEI might complain, blame someone, or recruit others to help resolve a situation or put someone in their place.

Personally, I have always been amazed by the ability of Provocateur girls to cast themselves as the victim. Consider this: suppose she steals someone's man. Immediately, the classic defense kicks in: "It's not my fault! He came to me!" One would expect her to feel shame if caught, but instead, she attacks and accuses, doing so in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Many Playful types are psychologically unprepared for this tactic.

What Exhausts Provocateurs and What They Seek

Male Provocateurs

He gets tired of needing to constantly prove that he is cool, strong, and capable of handling everything. When a woman doesn't see him as a man, he begins to behave very harshly and demandingly. He starts "messing with her head" through contradictory messages, creating situations where it is easier for her to do something herself than to ask him.

IEI is attracted to sporty, energetic, bright, confident, and self-sufficient girls capable of taking the first step.
ILI is attracted to charismatic, strong-willed, assertive women who are ready to take action and capable of conquering a man.

However, for long-term relationships, these men will likely prefer a different type.

This is especially true for the Obstinate ILI. His first marriage might well be to a Controller woman, but there is a high probability of a second marriage to a softer, calmer, more yielding girl.
With IEIs, the situation is reversed. Most likely, the initiative to divorce will come from the woman.

LIEs and EIEs often demonstrate indiscriminateness and a lack of understanding regarding which type of woman actually attracts them.

EIE is attracted (not sexually, but as a long-term prospect) to the bold, inaccessible, and popular. On one hand, such a woman must attract attention and spark sexual interest; on the other, she must have a reputation for being unattainable.
LIE is attracted to calm, balanced, self-sufficient women overflowing with dignity. In a relationship, he expects stability, tenderness, domestic skills, prudence, and tranquility.

As a trend, these two types often have a long list of "victories." But they play around "for perspective" (Strategists). Their thought process is: "I'll have my fun now, try everything out, and then I'll be a faithful husband." These are assertive, decisive types who live by the principle "I wanted it, so I did it." Most likely, they won't start affairs on the side, but will prefer to relieve tension in the company of sex workers.

Female Provocateurs

She strives to enter the orbit of a strong, influential man. It is no exaggeration to say she seeks a strong shoulder to lean on. The concept of "strength" is paramount. They sense strength in a person—both physical and moral—and provoke its manifestation. Without strength, they become bored and lose interest.

What she expects from a man: It is important that a man has his own goals—complex, heavy goals. He should have massive "toys" and feel the thrill of risk and trial. She wants to be included in his goals: first as the prize he wants for himself, then as the person for whom he wants to achieve things. However, his plans should not revolve solely around her. Only the regular mantra "you are mine" can keep them in a relationship; otherwise, they will fall in love with someone else. In moments when she realizes she cannot manage her own life, she desperately wants to find someone to whom she can entrust herself.
Her internal swings: A simple recipe for happiness is too complex for her; she wants one thing, then the opposite. Rudeness might trigger a passionate desire for intimacy to relieve stress immediately, while affection might suddenly trigger boredom and an unbearable need to be snarky. Guilt replaces aggression, and vice versa. It is true that most Provocateur women secretly or openly seek a "tamer," unleashing their chaos on any man they like in the hope that he will either organize it or tell it to go to hell.
How to interact with her: To organize a Provocateur woman and build a healthy relationship dynamic, it is crucial not to offend her personally and never to deceive her. You must monitor yourself and be very tactful, refusing to fall for provocations. In response to her rudeness, it is better to politely say goodbye, thereby forcing her to realize her behavior. If you respond to her provocations with counter-aggression, it becomes impossible to determine who is at fault, making it impossible to establish a healthy dynamic. For a Provocateur girl to have a normal relationship, she should choose a partner who is more organized, stable, and mature than she is. If her partner is less organized, she must monitor herself closely and be doubly stable.

Interaction with Other Types

If innate "programs" do not align, a conflict of needs may arise:

One partner will be forced to play the uncharacteristic role of the leader. Initially, this might be interesting, but it will soon lead to "role fatigue" and the dissatisfaction of deep-seated needs.

Provocateurs quickly tire of an environment that is too stable and "smooth." They need challenges, obstacles, and emotional tension to feel alive; consequently, the Comforting's soft comfort can actually bore or exhaust them.

For the Decisive types, relationships are built on the dynamic interplay of power, will, and intense experiences.

The Provocateur needs a strong partner who won't get flustered and can confidently hold their ground. The Controller likes a challenge, provided they perceive it as a game and not sabotage. If the Controller accepts the provocation as natural dynamics rather than an "undermining of authority," the interaction becomes very passionate and high-energy.

If the Controller is used to stability and predictability, while the Provocateur intentionally "blows up" the situation, a conflict may begin. The Provocateur sometimes tests the limits of what is permissible, and if the Controller doesn't understand this as part of the game, they may perceive it as a violation of boundaries.

The Controller's Strategy (Impose and Take)

The core of the Controller's program is initiative and expansion; their strategy is conquest and domination. They don't ask for permission: they instinctively know how and where to touch a partner and typically initiate intimacy, both physical and emotional.

A Controller's "program" is often based on clear visual parameters. They usually know the exact "type" that attracts them (height, weight, eye color). A person might be rejected for being too short, too tall, too thin, or too heavy.

Externally, a partner should appear decisive, quick-to-react, and firm. They also tend to prefer expressive people with somewhat provocative or "feisty" behavior.

The male Controller is often fastidious and discerning. He seeks a partner with a magical, "intoxicating" energy and, ideally, an impeccable reputation ("untouchedness" is highly valued).

They are aroused by a partner's willingness to yield and play by their rules, as well as by a passionate, reciprocal response. Decisive Sensors act to test their partner, mobilize them, or intensify the tension.

The Provocateur's Strategy (Tease and Surrender)

The essence of the Provocateur's program is the provocation of tension. During courtship, they employ alluring signals—glances, hints, laughter—but rarely initiate intimacy. Their goal is to tease the Controller to the point that they "pounce" of their own accord.

They crave strong, palpable touches that allow them to physically feel their partner's power.

They are aroused by strength, persistence, and directness. They enjoy being desired and hearing it expressed in explicit, even crude, terms ("I love your hands, your smell, I want you..."). Such words have a hypnotic effect on Provocateurs.

Sexual Interaction

For them, sex is a way to increase status and test boundaries and power. It is a way to gauge how much they are desired and to understand the nature of that desire.

Focus: On external attributes (Se): quantity, intensity, and the fact of possession. Key questions: "Did you get a release? Were you able to relax?"
Dynamics: A tendency toward fast, intense sex. It is a means of energy discharge and self-affirmation. Control and self-possession play a key role: pleasure grows from the realization of power ("I am doing this with you" or "I allow you to do this with me").
Message: "I am ready to give my all, to lay my cards on the table to have you." Regular sex is a sign that all energy is being devoted to the partner, and a reminder: "You are mine, and I can do whatever I want with you."

Source: S. Ionkin