Attraction. A Male Perspective and Socionics

Levels of Partner Selection

All compatibility begins with a choice. A man evaluates a woman on two levels. The first is superficial: physical attributes, clothing, and behavior. The second is the level of communication and domestic compatibility. What attracted him at the first stage (external appeal) does not guarantee success at the second (emotional compatibility and habits). Furthermore, age plays a role: the older a man is, the more focused he is on creating a family rather than solely on physical appearance.

Regarding general trends (excluding individual quirks), psychosexual groups provide a strong forecast for attraction:

• Childlike/Playful are attracted to Caring/Comforting, and vice versa.
• Aggressors/Controllers are attracted to Victims/Provocateurs, and vice versa.

In most cases, the principle of complementarity applies: Intuitives choose Sensors, and Sensors choose Intuitives.

• Male Sensors: This tendency is very pronounced; in 90% of cases, they are drawn to intuitive women.
• Male Intuitives: The statistic is lower (about 60% choose Sensors). This stems from a lack of clarity regarding sensory matters (which directly includes appearance) and the fashion industry's preference for very slender figures (an Intuitive might be attracted to curvy figures but feel constrained by stereotypes).

Relationships, Boundaries, and Conflicts

Perceptions of intimacy and boundaries—specifically personal space—differ radically depending on whether a partner belongs to the "Judicious" or "Decisive" pole.

• Decisive Types strive to control their partner's space. Intervention is perceived as a right of possession.
• Judicious Types guard their space as inviolable. Intervention is perceived as a restriction of freedom.

Scenario: A man says, "Don't wear that dress; I don't like the neckline."

For the Judicious: This is a question of comfort and appropriateness (Si and Ne). The woman might argue about the depth of the neckline or current fashion, viewing the ban as a senseless restriction of her liberty and a cause for unnecessary conflict.

For the Decisive: It is not about the dress. It is a boundary test (Se and Ni). Intent matters more than facts: "Can I make demands yet? Is she willing to yield? Does she trust me? How ready is she to sacrifice something for me? Does she recognize my authority?" Or from her perspective: "Am I ready to concede? Do I accept his right to possess? Is he claiming his rights too soon?"

Signs of Serious Intentions

Because of these differing approaches to boundaries, partners interpret love and seriousness in distinct ways:

For Decisive Types:

Seriousness is determined by staking a claim. If a man restricts, controls, gets jealous, and places a "this is mine" label on you—his intentions are serious. If he does not attempt to manage your life, he is indifferent to you.

A Controller demands conformity ("if you are with me, act like this"). In Provocateur-Controller pairs, the partners are not offended by such ultimatums; simply, in some couples, it is soft and veiled, while in others, it is explicit. For some, it is about a dress; for others, it is a demand for the partner to constantly develop, compete, and prove their right to stay.

Pressure acts as positive stimulation here. The Controller expects submission or a fight, never indifference. A Decisive type intends to "have it out" to clarify the relationship, and they are insulted by a refusal to engage in this struggle.

For Judicious Types:

Seriousness is determined by personal interest. If a man takes an interest in your inner world and hobbies (even those alien to him), asks "Why do you do this?" or "What do you dream about?"—he is serious. He grants freedom not out of apathy, but out of respect for you as an individual.

The Judicious type seeks compromise and discussion. Attempts at rigid control here are demotivating and usually lead to a breakup.

Summary

• In a couple with a Decisive partner, you are expected to take decisive action and acknowledge his right to power.
• In a couple with a Judicious partner, you are expected to discuss every step, negotiate, and explain your motives ("why this is important to me").

Source: S. Ionkin