'Aggressor', or 'Controller' Romance Style (Sensory, Static, Decisive)

Se is responsible for control, power, boundaries, and resource management. A person with strong Se does not merely observe; they sense the balance of power and know how to bend reality to their goals.

Key Characteristics:

They strive to control the situation and take initiative, though not necessarily through aggression.
They perceive space as their zone of responsibility. They dislike chaos because it threatens the stability they seek to organize.
They are capable of making tough decisions without agonizing doubt.

How the Controller Expresses Care

For a Controller, care is not about serving tea or offering warm words; it is about taking responsibility to ensure well-being. They care through actions, not emotions.

They do not wait for requests or ask if help is needed. They assess the situation, solve the problem (sometimes before the partner realizes it exists), and act immediately.

Example: "I know you hate paperwork, so I’ve already processed the documents for the apartment."

Strategic vs. Domestic Control:

The Controller-Strategist (Global Control): Focuses on the big picture—where to live, career moves, major changes. They ignore details that don't affect the goal. ("We are moving because there are more opportunities there.")
The Hyper-Guardian (Se in the Vital Block): Focuses on physical comfort and safety—health, food, warmth. (Have you eaten? Are you dressed warmly? Are you getting sick? "I’m setting an alarm so you don't oversleep.")

Whether at work (as directors) or in the family, they create structure. Even if the partner handles daily chores, the Controller sets the overall direction. They do not merely create conditions where one can forget their worries; they hold reality in their hands to ensure safety and stability.

Examples:

Expectations and Dislikes

What they expect: Recognition of their leadership, respect for their decisions, and trust.

How do Controllers want to receive care?

Appreciation of their contribution. They want their efforts to be noticed and valued: "Thank you for handling everything."
Recognition of their leadership. It is important that the partner does not try to completely wrest control from them, but rather accepts their initiative.
Trust. They do not want to be controlled in return; they prefer a partner who follows their lead or, at the very least, does not interfere.

What creates conflict:

Misinterpretation: If their care is called "pressure" or "imposition," they feel useless.
Blocking: If a partner rejects every proposal or tries to intercept management, it causes irritation.
Chaos: Unpredictable, spontaneous behavior is perceived as destabilizing.

Perception Errors: Controller vs. Tyrant

Controllers are often confused with authoritarian personalities, but there is a crucial difference:

Controller (Healthy Form)	Authoritarian Person (Negative Form)
Manages to care and protect	Controls to retain power
Considers partner's needs	Acts solely on own desires
Can yield if logical	Tolerates no objections
Controls the situation/environment	Controls the person

Example:

Healthy Controller: "I booked the restaurant, but if you want something else, just say so."

Authoritarian Person: "We are going where I said, and there is nothing to discuss."

Gender Differences

Control is a method of care for both genders, but the expression tends to differ.

The Male Controller:

Acts directly and firmly, often without explanation.
Views initiative as his natural role.

Example (Relationship): "I know things are hard for you right now. I’ve already spoken to the doctor, and we’re going on Friday. Don’t argue; it’s decided."

Example (Work): "I’ve figured out the next step. We follow this plan."

Risk: Can be perceived as rigid pressure. He must learn to give his partner space to participate in decisions.

The Male Controller: Unvarnished Volitional Sensing

The philosophy of strong Se is straightforward: there is no pity, only respect. If you seek a savior who will coddle you, you've come to the wrong place. The Controller puts you through a "trial by fire": pass it, and you become a queen; break, and you're just "cannon fodder."

The Code of Respect: The Controller is not cruel for cruelty's sake, but for the sake of clarity.

If he respects you: He becomes a noble knight—tender and courteous, carrying you in his arms and never allowing himself to be rude. Respect must be earned through inner strength.
If he does not respect you: The woman is seen as an object without a voice, disregarded, and potentially discarded, insulted, or exploited.
Danger Signal: If he once carried you in his arms but now demeans you, respect has been lost. The Controller will openly broadcast his irritation. A proud woman will leave; a woman without self-respect will stay and endure, relegated to the status of a "convenient possession."

LSI is stable, secretive, and systematic. If he cheats, he does so "under the radar," leaving no trace.

Tastes: He is attracted to fatal, passionate women (popular actresses, "stars") that he can be proud of. Yet, despite her passion, she must remain unattainable to other men.
Emotional Intelligence: LSI values women who can read people. He himself is an Emotivist and a Tactician, able to skillfully feign tenderness to achieve a goal. Negative feelings only surface when the woman becomes useless to him.
The Prime Directive: Don't try to change him. LSI will not alter his habits.

SEE's Living Credo: "That which makes me stronger is good. A woman who encourages me to relax and be content with little is my enemy." He needs someone who keeps him on his toes, dissatisfied with his current successes and driving him to greater achievements.

SEE's three categories of women:

"Cannon Fodder": Easy, foolish, and without pride, he treats these girls as disposable—used and forgotten, or passed around to friends. He shows no respect and engages in blatant exploitation, which the victims for some reason voluntarily endure.
"For the Soul": Gentle, innocent, and romantic "angels" with whom SEE reveals himself as a delicate knight. He cherishes them but often does not consider them for serious partnerships because they lack "teeth." It is important for SEE to be the first to introduce these women to the world of temptation.
"For the Spirit": (The Ideal). A cold-blooded, self-sufficient realist who knows her worth. She must be psychologically as strong as, or stronger than, he is. This is a union of two predators.

The Rationality of a Breakup: SEE is a Strategist. Even if feelings are involved, he will leave if the relationship is unprofitable or lacks long-term potential. When breaking up, he "burns his bridges," often committing a deliberately underhanded act to ensure there is no turning back for either partner.

He remains with a woman who has not grown alongside him (evolving from a "street kid" to a man of status) if she provides a stable home life and support (children, household). However, spiritual intimacy will no longer be present.

The Female Controller:

Acts flexibly and strategically, managing the process so her decision appears to be the best option.
Ensures she has the final word, often using social/emotional sensing ("Just trust me").

Risk: Can be perceived as suffocating. She must allow others to make decisions even if she has already organized the outcome.

Note: ESI women often have "delayed activation," fully revealing their Controller side after age 30. So, if you don't see the Controller in her yet, rest assured, this is normal!

The Female Controller: Between Nature and Stereotypes

Theoretically, the Female Controller is an assertive huntress who takes what she wants. In reality, most are broken by a society that imposes the role of the "soft and submissive girl."

Exception to the Rule: The Female SEE. Women of this type (Ethical Controllers) tend to preserve their integrity. Thanks to their "thick skin" and confidence, they ignore public opinion ("behave more modestly"). They know what they want and maintain a clear-eyed view of life. The female SEE is a Farsighted Strategist who does not squander her energies on trifles, maximizing current opportunities until she finds something better.

Female SLEs find themselves in a uniquely difficult situation.

Internal Conflict: She is a born leader, but gender stereotypes make her afraid to acknowledge her own strength. She searches for a "stone wall" (a man stronger than herself) and attempts to play the role of the "delicate housewife." In practice, this role does not come easily: while claiming weakness, she still gravitates towards dominance.
"Savior" Syndrome: Due to weak Relational Ethics (Fi) and Intuition, the SLE woman often chooses problematic men—alcoholics, losers, unrecognized geniuses—engaging in the game of "I see potential in him" and trying to "fix him up" and "make a man out of him." As a result, she ends up being a strong woman dragging a weak partner, lamenting the fact that he never became a "Prince."
Self-Identification Problem: Logical Controller women often struggle to understand their true desires, attempting to fit the mold of a "normal woman," leading to neuroses in relationships.

The Key to Happiness for the Female Controller: She needs a man who accepts her strength rather than trying to force her into a traditional domestic role. For a SLE or SEE woman, the ideal partner is one who admires her drive and initiative instead of stifling them.

What Exhausts a Controller?

The Male Aggressor loses interest if he lacks the stimulus to be a "hunter." If his partner is illogical, prone to absurd tantrums, or doesn't know what she wants, his desire to build a relationship fades.

The Female Aggressor is exhausted by:

Incompetence & Laziness: Feeling she drags the load alone while others lack the drive for a higher standard of living.
Infantilism: Men who act like children, cannot assess situations, or lack resources.
Ambiguity & Indecision:
- The "Not Now" Trap: She hates procrastination. If a man says "wait" or "not now," she knows it may never happen. This forces her to do it herself, resenting his indecision.
- Silence: Silence in response to a question is not just annoying—it is felt as a deep personal insult and rejection.
- Gaslighting: Men who forget promises or claim "you never told me," when she (as a Sensor) remembers the time and context of the conversation.

Interaction with Other Types

If innate "programs" do not align, a conflict of needs may arise:

Both value order and stability, but in different ways. The Controller wants to control the process, while the Comfort-Oriented type wants everything to be calm and cozy. The Controller can manage the situation, while the Comforting can create a cozy space, which can make them a great pair.

The Controller might overlook the need for comfort if they are focused solely on achieving goals. The Comforting can get irritated by pressure—if the Controller dictates rules too rigidly, the Comforting will feel uncomfortable.

The Comforting will strive to express their Si through an abundance of physical affection and care. The Controller, however, may fail to appreciate this softness, leading the Comforting to feel suppressed and unfulfilled.

The Controller likes that the Playful type is light, flexible, and doesn't create pressure. The Playful type can give the Controller space for leadership by playing along. Both can love dynamics and active interaction, though in different ways.

It is important for the Controller to manage the process, while the Playful type needs not to be boxed in. If the Controller tries to structure leisure, tasks, or plans too rigidly, the Playful type will start playing against the rules, simply because they crave freedom. The Controller might feel that the Playful type is not serious, while the Playful type might feel the Controller is "pressuring" them too much.

The Provocateur needs a strong partner who won't get flustered and can confidently hold their ground. The Controller likes a challenge, provided they perceive it as a game and not sabotage. If the Controller accepts the provocation as natural dynamics rather than an "undermining of authority," the interaction becomes very passionate and high-energy.

If the Controller is used to stability and predictability, while the Provocateur intentionally "blows up" the situation, a conflict may begin. The Provocateur sometimes tests the limits of what is permissible, and if the Controller doesn't understand this as part of the game, they may perceive it as a violation of boundaries.

For the Decisive types, relationships are built on the dynamic interplay of power, will, and intense experiences.

The Provocateur needs a strong partner who won't get flustered and can confidently hold their ground. The Controller likes a challenge, provided they perceive it as a game and not sabotage. If the Controller accepts the provocation as natural dynamics rather than an "undermining of authority," the interaction becomes very passionate and high-energy.

If the Controller is used to stability and predictability, while the Provocateur intentionally "blows up" the situation, a conflict may begin. The Provocateur sometimes tests the limits of what is permissible, and if the Controller doesn't understand this as part of the game, they may perceive it as a violation of boundaries.

The Controller's Strategy (Impose and Take)

The core of the Controller's program is initiative and expansion; their strategy is conquest and domination. They don't ask for permission: they instinctively know how and where to touch a partner and typically initiate intimacy, both physical and emotional.

A Controller's "program" is often based on clear visual parameters. They usually know the exact "type" that attracts them (height, weight, eye color). A person might be rejected for being too short, too tall, too thin, or too heavy.

Externally, a partner should appear decisive, quick-to-react, and firm. They also tend to prefer expressive people with somewhat provocative or "feisty" behavior.

The male Controller is often fastidious and discerning. He seeks a partner with a magical, "intoxicating" energy and, ideally, an impeccable reputation ("untouchedness" is highly valued).

They are aroused by a partner's willingness to yield and play by their rules, as well as by a passionate, reciprocal response. Decisive Sensors act to test their partner, mobilize them, or intensify the tension.

The Provocateur's Strategy (Tease and Surrender)

The essence of the Provocateur's program is the provocation of tension. During courtship, they employ alluring signals—glances, hints, laughter—but rarely initiate intimacy. Their goal is to tease the Controller to the point that they "pounce" of their own accord.

They crave strong, palpable touches that allow them to physically feel their partner's power.

They are aroused by strength, persistence, and directness. They enjoy being desired and hearing it expressed in explicit, even crude, terms ("I love your hands, your smell, I want you..."). Such words have a hypnotic effect on Provocateurs.

Sexual Interaction

For them, sex is a way to increase status and test boundaries and power. It is a way to gauge how much they are desired and to understand the nature of that desire.

Focus: On external attributes (Se): quantity, intensity, and the fact of possession. Key questions: "Did you get a release? Were you able to relax?"
Dynamics: A tendency toward fast, intense sex. It is a means of energy discharge and self-affirmation. Control and self-possession play a key role: pleasure grows from the realization of power ("I am doing this with you" or "I allow you to do this with me").
Message: "I am ready to give my all, to lay my cards on the table to have you." Regular sex is a sign that all energy is being devoted to the partner, and a reminder: "You are mine, and I can do whatever I want with you."

Source: S. Ionkin